A plea on the 5th of November

In these troubling times, it’s a comfort to know that our esteemed Prime Minister is keeping in touch with popular culture.

I mean, never mind the fact that we’re fighting a war in Afghanistan that we can never win, facing a level of national debt unprecedented in our country’s history, seeing our essential freedoms eroded on a daily basis, paying for one ill-conceived government initiative after another, living in thrall to a series of¬† reforms designed to give everyone ‘rights’ apart from those paying for them to be implemented and encouraging a culture based on ignorance, sloth and lack of responsibility.

No, Gordon still finds time to watch the X-Factor whilst the country falls apart like a leper in a jacuzzi.

On this day, of all days, I feel compelled to ask,

When is this cunt going to be put out of our misery?

It can’t come fucking quick enough.

Quality TV takes a shit and dies and Leonard Cohen almost does the same

TV really is a pile of fucking shite.

But Saturday Night TV takes piles of fucking shite to a whole different league.

Yes, it’s X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing time.

I loathe ‘reality TV’ from Big Brother to whatever they’re trying to foist on us as the latest thing – Celebrity Enema Challenge or some such cunting garbage.

And now the self-serving moronic cluster fuck that is Saturday night TV is in the news.

Simon Cowell has said the prime time TV clash between The X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing is “crazy” and he hopes to persuade ITV to move The X Factor.

Writing in the Sun, Cowell said it was unfair to force licence fee payers to choose between the two popular shows.

Cowell goes on to say that he was:

…surprised that the BBC, which does not need to attract advertising, had prompted the clash and said licence-payers wanted quality TV, not a ratings war.

Well, sorry Si, but what and where is this ‘quality TV’ of which you speak?

I’ve combed the program schedules but quality TV seems to have taken a shit and died.

Blu-Ray HD DVD – that’s the way to go.

More expensive, but at least I can choose to watch something other than the lowbrow pap that the people I’m paying – either from my TV licence or through advertising – seem to think I want.

Crank 2 tonight – lots of mindless violence, gore and swearing.

Lovely stuff.

In further entertainment news I read that

Singer Leonard Cohen is recovering after collapsing on stage in Spain, a spokesman for his music company has said.

The 74-year-old became ill during a concert in Valencia and was taken to hospital as a precaution.

He has now been discharged and is said to have had food poisoning.

Food poisoning, my fucking hairy arse.

He bored himself into a comatose state and it was a cunting miracle anyone else was awake enough to even fucking notice he’d fallen over.

Having said that, he is responsible for one of the best lyrics – if possibly the bleakest – ever written:

Everybody Knows

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died

Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that youve been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows youve been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

And everybody knows that it’s now or never
Everybody knows that it’s me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah when you’ve done a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe’s still pickin’ cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows

And everybody knows that the plague is coming
Everybody knows that it’s moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But there’s gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows

And everybody knows that you’re in trouble
Everybody knows what you’ve been through
From the bloody cross on top of Calvary
To the beach of Malibu
Everybody knows it’s coming apart
Take one last look at this sacred heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Oh everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows

And here’s Len performing it.

Another crock…

I’ve just read this story on the BBC News site:

‘X Factor vote’ for street names

Residents should be allowed to name their streets and parks after their heroes, a think-tank has suggested.

The New Local Government Network says councils should hold X Factor-style contests to find public place names.

The report suggests football hero David Beckham, born in east London, and the Gallagher brothers of Oasis, from Manchester, could be honoured.

It argues that recognising local people will help build community cohesion and civic pride.

The report also called upon London Mayor Boris Johnson to pledge that any British athlete who wins more than two medals at the 2012 Olympic Games will have a London street named after them.

Which is all fine and dandy, but what really pisses me off is that it looks as if we’re to be allowed to choose the names of the streets where we live by voting but when it comes to slightly more important matters of public concern such as whether or not to invade Iraq, join the euro zone, introduce a smoking ban, have ID cards or spend billions on the London Olympics we are denied any choice in the eventual outcome whatsoever.

It all comes down to choice and there’s far too much of it about these days.

That’s not a contradiction¬† – what I’m advocating is less choice over things that really don’t matter – like street names – but more choice in what’s really significant.

I don’t give a fuck if my street is named Beckham Boulevard but I do care if troops are sent in to invade a sovereign state under false pretences.

It’s just a fucking con – we think we have choice but apart from our chance every so often to vote in General and Local Elections we have very little say in what gets decided about the way we live our lives. Even then it’s often less than 50% of those entitled to vote who exercise that privilege.

I’m not sure how I feel about compulsory voting.

On the upside it would stop all those whinging sods who moan about the results when they’ve preferred to sit at home watching ‘Eastenders’ instead of voting.

On the downside it would be one more prescribed act and we already have too many of those.

Maybe all this is the thin edge of the wedge and all future elections will eventually be held on an X-Factor/Big Brother/I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here basis…you vote candidates off each week after you get Simon Cowell to mentor them and meanwhile they have to eat a bucket of maggots…

I’ll conclude with one small aspect of this that’s been niggling me since I first read the story – what is the New Local Government Network anyway, who decided it was a good idea we should have one and who fucking asked us if we wanted one?

Answers on a crock of shit, please, addressed to G Brown, 10 Downing Street, Westminster, London…

I’m confused

Lots of comforting noises started to come out of No 10 when everyone realised that the credit crunch was actually a full-blown global catastrophe of the first magnitude and that the government could no longer pretend it was all going to go away.

There’s been talk of real help with mortgages, jobs, retraining, loans, etc.

But what’s actually happened?

The billions of quids loaned to the banks are sitting there doing bugger all, jobs are haemorrhaging on a daily basis, the pound is now worth a euro, Mandy is being tough and not loaning Jaguar Land Rover the billion they’re asking for and a leaked government document has suggested that lending the hardest-up people in society money at an interest rate of 27% apr is being considered (since strenuously denied, natch) at a time when interest rates are at their lowest ever and, to add insult to injury, Gordon Brown has said he likes the X-Factor winner’s version of “Hallelujah” and that he will buy it for someone as a present – which is possibly the most fucked-up thing he’s come out with so far…

If this is helping us, I wouldn’t like to see our government turn against us…