Modern Life and/is Rubbish

As I state elsewhere in this blog, I’m an unapologetic climate change sceptic.

However, I don’t believe in waste, so the environ-mentalists and myself are probably going to achieve many common aims.

Recycling seems to me to be a good idea in many ways, so we recycle here at Shark Towers.

However, it’s all getting to be a proper rigmarole and we’re all gettin’ in a right old two and eight and no mistake, eh guv’nor, innit, me old cock sparrer, doin’ the Lambeth Walk, oi?*

We have now black bags for non-recyclable waste, pink sacks for things like cans, plastic containers and paper, blue boxes for all glass, green wheelie bins for garden waste and grey ‘caddies’ for food waste.

They all go out here every Friday for collection – except the garden waste bin, which goes out every fortnight.

I’m just trying to think how long ago it was when it was dead simple – all crap went in the dustbin and garden waste meant a bonfire.

15 years ago?

As few as 10 maybe?

And how many years will pass before your local council gauleiters officials see your black bag as another way of helping to pay for – amongst other essentials for modern living – their over-inflated salaries?

I await the introduction of a council tax supplement for black bag waste with a loaded shotgun joyful anticipation.

It’s going to happen…

On a more cheerful note, it’s just got to be Blur…

*Never mind me, I’ve just got a nasty case of Cockerney…like Swine Flu but less annoying.

340 million lightbulbs

I know it probably makes me worse than a puppy-eating smoker in the eyes of all right-thinking Guardian readers but I’m a climate change sceptic.

So, it gave me great pleasure to read this article in the Telegraph.

Last week in Italy, the various branches of our emerging world government, G8 and G20, agreed in principle that the world must by 2050 cut its CO2 emissions in half. Britain and the US are already committed to cutting their use of fossil fuels by more than 80 per cent. Short of an unimaginable technological revolution, this could only be achieved by closing down virtually all our economic activity: no electricity, no transport, no industry. All this is being egged on by a gigantic publicity machine, by the UN, by serried ranks of government-funded scientists, by cheerleaders such as Al Gore, last week comparing the fight against global warming to that against Hitler’s Nazis, and by politicians who have no idea what they are setting in train.

I’m convinced that in years to come, people like myself will be saying, “I told you so”, although I guess that I’ll be doing it verbally and not on Twitter as there’ll be no juice left for the phone to charge with…

Funnily enough, this article appeared at about the same time in the same paper exposing rampant government stupidity in the fight against global warming.

To paraphrase Lewis Black – my favourite living comedian – this profligate and stupid Labour government has a knack of taking a shitty idea and making it even shittier.

Low energy lightbulbs mailed to British families that cannot use them

Hundreds of millions of old-fashioned low energy lightbulbs have been mailed to British families that often cannot use them, official documents show.

The Department of Energy and Climate Change admits that it is “concerned” at the mailings – described yesterday by campaigners as a waste – and has agreed to ban them.

But it has decided not so do so for another six months to allow even more of the bulbs to be sent out – even though every home in the country has already, on average, received at least eight of them.

Experts believe that vast numbers of the compact fluorescent lamp (CFL) bulb are stored away, never to be used, and thrown out to end up in landfill, where they pose a potential pollution problem.

So, all together, about 340 million unwanted and totally unsolicited lightbulbs have been sent out to UK households.

Why?

Well, it’s all down to CERT – the Carbon Emissions Reduction Target – an official government scheme to lower CO2 emissions and other similar schemes.

It was envisaged that these schemes would be used to subsidise energy-saving methods measures such as loft and cavity wall insulation for households – especially “low-income, vulnerable or elderly”.

Instead, about a third of the companies involved in the scheme have bought hundreds of millions of these unwanted bulbs as a way of participating in the schemes utilising the minimum effort possible.

So, government funding has been used to provide UK households with 340 million unwanted bulbs.

However, now we know that CERT and other schemes have been an expensive failure we can expect the supply of bulbs to stop.

Well, actually…no…

The Department has undertaken to stop the mailings from the New Year but has refused to do so immediately because this would “unfairly penalise” companies who had not yet taken advantage of the scheme.

So that’s another shitload of unwanted lightbulbs – or dimbulbs as they ought to be called – wending their unwanted way to an unwitting British public.

We should end up with about a dozen by the time this fucking stupid scheme ends.

So, it’s viewed as a total failure but the lightbulbs are going to keep on coming anyway.

Great.

A total waste of money, more crap for the landfills and yet more climate change stupidity.

Dim doesn’t begin to describe the whole fucking exercise…

Wheelie bad news

Hmm…a bit of free time, so a cruise through the news…

World news…Ooh, Iran…OK there…nice and quiet…and North Korea won the footy…well done, them! So much for the ‘axis of evil’ and regional instability in the Far and Middle East.

The Economy…ah…lots of green shoots, so everything OK by Christmas. Two jobs for everyone and maybe some tax cuts next year!

Politics…nice to see full transparency over the MPs’ expenses…no need to bother with any reforms there. Carry on chaps – and dredge another moat on me, why don’t you?

Health…lots of dosh sloshing round in the NHS…waiting lists so short they’re begging you to have an op even if you don’t need one.

Local news…Doncaster’s well set…new EDP Mayor who’s going to clean up the town…Utopia by the autumn!

Everything’s great!

Not much news at all.

Which must explain why the Daily Mail is making such a big deal over this – even to the extent of launching a campaign.

Child abuse…economic ruin…criminal justice system broken…parliamentary corruption…

Pah!

It’s those evil, evil wheelie bins that are the source of all mankind’s woes.

To Paul Dacre…it’s not the bins you twat…it’s the EU directives on waste you should be concerned about…