Quality TV takes a shit and dies and Leonard Cohen almost does the same

TV really is a pile of fucking shite.

But Saturday Night TV takes piles of fucking shite to a whole different league.

Yes, it’s X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing time.

I loathe ‘reality TV’ from Big Brother to whatever they’re trying to foist on us as the latest thing – Celebrity Enema Challenge or some such cunting garbage.

And now the self-serving moronic cluster fuck that is Saturday night TV is in the news.

Simon Cowell has said the prime time TV clash between The X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing is “crazy” and he hopes to persuade ITV to move The X Factor.

Writing in the Sun, Cowell said it was unfair to force licence fee payers to choose between the two popular shows.

Cowell goes on to say that he was:

…surprised that the BBC, which does not need to attract advertising, had prompted the clash and said licence-payers wanted quality TV, not a ratings war.

Well, sorry Si, but what and where is this ‘quality TV’ of which you speak?

I’ve combed the program schedules but quality TV seems to have taken a shit and died.

Blu-Ray HD DVD – that’s the way to go.

More expensive, but at least I can choose to watch something other than the lowbrow pap that the people I’m paying – either from my TV licence or through advertising – seem to think I want.

Crank 2 tonight – lots of mindless violence, gore and swearing.

Lovely stuff.

In further entertainment news I read that

Singer Leonard Cohen is recovering after collapsing on stage in Spain, a spokesman for his music company has said.

The 74-year-old became ill during a concert in Valencia and was taken to hospital as a precaution.

He has now been discharged and is said to have had food poisoning.

Food poisoning, my fucking hairy arse.

He bored himself into a comatose state and it was a cunting miracle anyone else was awake enough to even fucking notice he’d fallen over.

Having said that, he is responsible for one of the best lyrics – if possibly the bleakest – ever written:

Everybody Knows

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died

Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that youve been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows youve been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

And everybody knows that it’s now or never
Everybody knows that it’s me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah when you’ve done a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe’s still pickin’ cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows

And everybody knows that the plague is coming
Everybody knows that it’s moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But there’s gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows

And everybody knows that you’re in trouble
Everybody knows what you’ve been through
From the bloody cross on top of Calvary
To the beach of Malibu
Everybody knows it’s coming apart
Take one last look at this sacred heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Oh everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows

And here’s Len performing it.

Bashing the bishop

Bishop feels cross over Easter TV



Ignorant parents

Just when you thought you’d come across most aspects and examples of ignorance something like this comes along…

Essentially, there seems to be a rather loose campaign amongst some parents to get a one-armed TV presenter off our screens because they claim she’s scaring their children.

I can only assume by such intolerant, pathetic and offensive attitudes on display that we’re dealing with cunts here.

Yes, cunts.

No other term will do, although if there was anything stronger I’d use it in this case.

I used to teach a kid who had no arms and had his hands growing out of his shoulders.

It was a very rough school, but none of the other kids turned a hair and no parent ever complained that he was scaring their children.

I’m all for children growing up to accept that other people are different in many ways – different appearances, attitudes, abilities, etc – and that only seems achievable if they’re exposed to such differences gradually as they encounter them.

I’m not saying that an agenda should be set to give them these experiences or that it should all be dispensed within a PC framework, just that we shouldn’t shelter our children from these differences.

One father said he would ban his daughter from watching the channel because he thought it would “give her nightmares”.

How stupid is that?

From age zero we expose our children to all manner of nightmare-inducing concepts.

Three Blind Mice?

Rodent maiming knife crime.

Little Red Riding Hood?

Wolf devours senior citizen then has amateur vivisection performed on it.

Not to mention the many dragons, witches, monsters and other characters from stories and songs that have entertained children for centuries…

So, once in a while children might get exposed to a bit of reality for a change.

It’s called life.

Some won’t see any difference in what’s real to fiction, some won’t notice it anyway, some will ask questions – and then it’s up to parents to give straight answers where possible and in a manner sensitive to both the child and the subject – and some may be scared, but then it’s down to the parents again, this time to allay those fears.

It’s all part of the ‘contract’ you ‘sign’ when you have a child and if you try and avoid having to deal with the difficult aspects of parenthood like explaining what they may find difficult to understand then you’ve really fucked up.

In fact, you’ve shown yourself to be emotionally and intellectually disabled and your child will probably grow up to be the same.

If you’re one of these complaining parents and you’re reading this:

Fuck you.

Piers Moron

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any shittier on TV, Piers Morgan seems to be getting a higher profile in mainstream viewing.

It appears he has a new series on ITV1 in which he interviews a guest each week.

Program 1 promises Sharon Osborne.

Oh joy.

So, it’s interview programs now, after all that X-factor/Pop Idol (whatever the blistering fuck he was on – I don’t watch that crap) dogwank.

Next thing we know, he’ll be on Newsnight…

It beats me how a failed Fleet Street editor has got so much work – especially an odious, oleagenous little onanist like Morgan.

What does he actually do except make smartass remarks only he thinks are funny and look like a smug twat?

And who are the clueless shitheads who keep getting him on our TV screens?

Let’s hope Big Jezza lamps him again – fucking soon.

Your blogger rants on IRC

[mudshark] ant & dec FUCK OFF

[mudshark] why why fucking why

[mudshark] total and utter shite

[mudshark] overpaid wankbubbles

[mudshark] id rather gouge my own duodenum out with a pneumatic drill than watch that crap

RIP No.6

Very sad news indeed.

More than just the star and creator of  ‘The Prisoner’, McGoohan was a great actor and a charismatic guy who prized his privacy and didn’t seek publicity.

An extremely talented man is no longer with us.