In praise of champagne drinkers

This recent tweet…

Nice to see Cameron drinking champagne whilst cutting pay for nurses and teachers

…made me see red.

Or, rather, detect red.

It refers to this ‘story’, which features a photograph (see above) of Call me Dave sipping champagne at the Tory Conference yesterday, in flagrant defiance of Eric Pickles’ ban on the stuff.

I’m going to quote it in full, as it merits a fisking.

David Cameron quaffs £140-a-bottle bubbly

Was it, in fact, £140 a bottle champagne or cheap champagne, or maybe just some Cava? And so fucking what if it did cost £140 a bottle? It was supplied by the Spectator magazine, so it didn’t cost the taxpayer a penny.

with his rich chums

And journalists who seem to have a talent for sniffing out free booze…

just hours before the Tories announced a pay freeze for millions of ordinary workers.

What fucking pay freeze? The Mirror seems to have prematurely ejaculated its news spunk in a similar manner to the twitterer quoted above. These cuts are only proposals.

No cunt has cut anything yet – more’s the fucking pity…

Mr Cameron flouted a champagne ban imposed by his own party chairman

Pie Boy Pickles didn’t actually ban champagne. Yes, he wanted to deny the press the chance to come out with shit like the Mirror did today but it was more like advice: “Mr Pickles had declared that he wanted to see ‘less Champagne bubbles and more bubbling activity’.” (He) was keen to avoid accusations the Tories believe the election is in the bag: “It’s actually a humbling thing.”

When we caught him sipping fizz at an exclusive party, heavy-handed minders immediately moved in and tried to stop us leaving with the embarrassing snap.

Ah…the poor persecuted Press. Striking a blow for truth and justice. Are they fucking bollocks.

Union boss Dave Prentis said: “It is sickening. This is the real face of the Tories.

This is where my brain went into total fucking meltdown and nearly imploded. I blogged about a certain Derek Simpson a few months ago. Yes, the Unite leader who pisses away union funds on £400 a night hotel rooms. In light of this and other union boss excesses, there’s no way to put my response to Prentis other than, ‘fuck off, you putrid smear of hypocritical cockdribble.’

“Champagne for Cameron and his crew, as though the recession never happened, while millions face a thirsty future with frozen pay, job and pension cuts.”

That’s free champagne – always hard to refuse, especially when someone plonks a glass in your hand, as seems to be the case with Cameron – and a thirsty future no matter who gets into power next year. One glass of champagne more or less isn’t going to alter the fact that the economy is fucked.

This whole champagne metaphor really is getting a bit tired, isn’t it?

You can buy a bottle for about £15, which we occasionally do in a mixed case of 6 bottles from Majestic wine. We do this in preference to buying a multibuy of 60 bottles of Stella for £20 from Tesco.

So, I sometimes choose to drink champagne rather than Stella (not that I drink that horrible fizzy piss anyway).

Does that make me a ‘toff’?

Do I sound like a fucking toff?

Fuck…sometimes we go mad and buy a bottle of something better like Veuve Clicquot for £30.

So fucking what? It’s my money and I’m not spending taxpayer-funded benefit on it.

Has it really come to this? Are we really getting back to the cliche of the top-hatted Toff quaffing champers versus the flat-capped worker swigging his pint of best bitter?

Times have changed since that scenario – if it ever existed outside the media – and people conveniently forget that wealth, privilege and dynastic entitlement are no longer restricted to one sector of society.

If proof were needed then I only really need one word:


Wealth? – it’ll cost you £180 to get a photo opp with Tony. Goes some way to shoring up a vast personal fortune that is sometimes dubiously amassed. And at least Cameron made his money before his likely Premiership.

Privilege? – there are still questions to be asked about that mortgage.

Dynastic entitlement? – how long until we get a young Leo Blair parachuted in to a safe Labour seat?10 years?

What Blair and NuLabour have created is a political class just as corrupt, devious and decadent as any upper class stereotype hauled out to reinforce the prejudices of the ignorant and easily-swayed.

It says much about the desperation levels of the left wing media that once more they have to resort to such shoddy tactics and it reveals a contempt for the electorate that borders on the cynical.

It’s not the champagne drinkers we need to worry about – it’s the cuntjobs who don’t want us to drink it that pose the biggest threat to our society.


To be honest, you’re better off with something like a Cremant – Jura, Alsace or Bourgogne – than cheap champagne. It’s cheaper and often far better. Don’t underestimate Prosecco, either. A decent one, well chilled, is a cheap but worthy substitute.

That ‘fin de siecle’ feeling?

Bring a bottle – Dress optional – RSVP

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that today has a sort of ‘fin de siècle’ feeling about it?

I think it’s all to do with the Labour Conference and what really puts the tin lid on it was Brown’s increasingly annoyed mood yesterday as he gave interviews to various reporters who didn’t ask him the questions that he’d prepared the answers for.

They took Brown right off the script and left him floundering and regurgitating the same old empty messages of hope to a severely pissed-off TV audience.

In the end, Brown had just had enough and finally stomped away from the interview area after giving Sky News’ Adam Boulton not just a look which could kill, but a look which was guaranteed to visit all the agonies of Purgatory on you and every cunt else you know with vaguely similar DNA, before letting you all die a very slow and lingering death at the hands of the bastard feral offspring of Heinrich Himmler and Elizabeth Bathory.

What Brown wanted to talk about, of course, was Labour’s ‘new’ plans for after the next election but what he got asked about was the Sun’s withdrawal of support and his fitness to be leader of his party.

I can’t recall a UK Prime Minister ever reacting to an interviewer quite like Brown did to Boulton.

Yes, Prescott actually lamped an egg-thrower and Michael Howard stormed out of a Paxman interview but they weren’t Prime Ministers.

What Brown did was totally unique as far as I know and a sign, surely, that just as much as we’re totally fucked off with him, so he is with the current situation.

Not a happy camper.

(And I suppose, to be fair, if you’ve pissed of the Sun then you might as well piss off Sky News as well.)

Hence my ‘fin de siècle’ mood.

Brown is a dead man walking, this government is out sometime next year and the Labour Party itself may never recover from what is going to be a humiliating defeat.

Not that it’s good times ahead.

No, a true ‘fin de siècle’ mood isn’t one of hope after degeneracy, but rather a sort of euphoric feeling about what lies ahead even though you have no idea what it’s going to be like.

The best way I can describe it is by comparing it to weightlessness, but a weightlessness of the mind – a sort of cerebral free fall into the future.

We’ll have a Tory government sometime in 2010, and perhaps next week at the Tory Conference – and it’ll be about fucking time too – some idea of what Cameron and his merry band of Bullingdon boys are going to do to make this country a bit less fucked up than it’s been for the last 12 years.

I’m not expecting any magic wands to be waved – certainly there’s no fucking money left to do anything positive with so to get some money eventually it’s going to have to be negativity in the form of cuts. I really can’t see any alternative.

Who the fuck knows?

Maybe we should take a little advice from His Purpleness and, until next week at least, maybe party down – perhaps not like it’s 1999 but certainly as if it’s a small turning point in our history and our lives.

At this point I’d have added a link to a YouTube video of Mr Squiggle singing 1999 but the little fucker won’t allow his videos on there so this’ll have to do instead.

Not exactly a hardship though…