There’s no such thing as a Freeview lunch

If you have a Freeview box and you watch TV through it then, unless you’ve been living in a fucking cave for the last week, you’ll be aware that you have to rescan it today to continue receiving the stations you’re used to.

If you don’t, thenĀ  a plague of little transistorised insects will emerge from the screen and eat their way into your cerebral cortex, shit in your dead eye sockets and then lay eggs in your colon before tearing their way through your arsehole and escaping you’ll probably not be able to receive Five any longer (boo cunting hoo) and your box won’t be able to accommodate the new HD multiplexes.

We all have to rescan today after lunchtime.

Excuse me, but when precisely the fuck is lunchtime?

Could be midday for some…1pm…2pm…er…could be anytime within a two or three hour period.

So, here’s an idea…

Why didn’t the people in charge of this just allow a sufficient length of time to heat up the soldering irons, throw the right switches, deal with a few fuck ups, have a cup of tea and a Bourbon biscuit, take all the dead rats out of the wiring conduits, sort all their shit out and then say – ‘rescan from 4pm onwards’?

I predict absolute fucking chaos.