The BNP – I fucking told you so, Boris you cunt!

The BNP’s part-time publicist yes, that’s as dynamic as the cunt gets…

So, Nick Griffin has pulled out of the Buck House garden party after the recent fuss over his possible attendance.

I said here that the best course of action was to just shut the fuck up about it and let him attend as a guest of an invited BNP GLA member and then his despicable party would be able to make almost zero political capital out of it – if any.

But no.

Boris Johnson, notably, and other people with a lack of common sense which allowed their frothing moral outrage to cloud their judgement wanted Griffin banning.

Here’s what Griffin said about his decision not to attend:

We believe it is still outrageous that a democratically elected member of the London Assembly can’t invite who he likes as a guest to the party at the Palace.

Nevertheless, because we have no wish to embarrass the Queen and allow the liberal left to do more damage to our institutions, I’ve withdrawn from the idea of going myself.

So, he emerges sounding quite reasonable and also concerned for our dear Queen.

Not that he is either of those things.

More importantly, he’s made political capital out of a situation in which he’d have been lucky to make any at all.

So, fuck you very much, Boris and the rest of the brainless moral frothers.

You’ve done it again – made a shitty situation even worse.

The Queen marches on Parliament

‘Off with their fucking heads’

Liz woke at 5 in the morning to the sound of Phil and the corgis snoring.

“Fuck one rigid, ” she thought. “There must be more to life than this. Sodding state receptions, unveiling plaques for things I don’t give a toss about, sorting out the messes my bloody family’s gotten themselves into, Harry’s tittish behaviour…”

She tossed and turned but it was no good, she was wide awake now and another boring day beckoned.

Later, after her customary breakfast of All Bran followed by eggy soldiers, she sat reading the morning papers.

There was column after column of reports of MP expenses fiddling and calls for an early General Election but then something she’d never seen before, and never imagined, not even in her wildest dreams…

‘Why doesn’t the Queen do something?’ screamed the headline in the Daily Blart.

Liz was stunned.

“Bleedin’ Norah,” she thought. “A chance for one to do something useful for a change!”

Calling for her wardrobemaid who assisted her into her crown, jodphurs, thigh length riding boots (with spurs) and the flak jacket with ‘Koo’ embriodered on the back that Andrew had left at the Palace after the Falklands, she immediately phoned round, and 20 minutes later a small but perfectly formed convoy of tanks, armoured troop carriers and any of Britain’s finest who weren’t engaged in shooting goats in Afghanistan was assembled in the Mall.

She climbed onto the leading Chieftain tank and addressed her troops.

“Right, you men. We need to sort out those cunts in Westminster. We want no-one escaping. Round them all up and teapot them (she thought that was the right term) in Parliament Square. We mean to kick bottom and chew fruit pastilles, and we’re fresh out of pastilles!”

So saying, she hit the top of the tank with her riding crop and the convoy moved off.

“One wonders if one can get away with breaking a cap in a few bums, just as a warning?” she mused, toying with Daddy’s old revolver, freshly cleaned and fully loaded with hollow-point bullets.

This would be even more fun than wringing a grouse’s neck.

It was going to a good day after all…

Why the BNP should go to the party

Griffin – he likes a pie…

Even though the BNP is an odious organisation, its leadership is composed largely of convicted criminals and its supporters are – and I’m being kind here – morons, its GLA member, Richard Barnbrook, should be allowed to take the BNP’s leader, Nick Griffin, to the Buck House garden party as his chosen guest.

To oppose this is short-sighted and counter-productive, leaving aside all considerations of free speech.

As I understand it, the invitation to Barnbrook was as a result of his elected membership of the London Assembly, and it should have been no real surprise to anyone that he sought to make what largely imagined political capital he could out of it by inviting Griffin as his guest.

It seems now, however, that Barnbrook will have to invite ‘a more acceptable guest’.

However, consider for a moment what might happen if Griffin did go to Brenda’s bash.

He’d attend, the BNP would then report that their leader went to tea with the Queen and…er, that’s it.

It’s not as if the Queen issues the invitations herself and specifically asked for a couple of BNP chaps to pop along for tea and a cucumber sandwich.

It’s not a photo opportunity where Griffin could be snapped clutching a can of Stella with his arm around Liz’s shoulder looking all matey.

There’s no way, I’m sure, that Griffin and Barnbrook could exercise any control over events there and do something drastic like make a speech calling for racial purity.

In short, if the pair did anything that caused any concern, disturbance or the teensiest-weensiest embarrassment then they’d be pounced on by security quicker than Prezza leaping on a cream cake and ejected pretty fucking smartish.

The alternative – and it looks very much as if it’s the reality of the situation now – is to exclude Griffin and thus allow the BNP to rant, piss and moan about discrimination, bias, exclusion and prejudice…the very things we more enlightened people (rightly) accuse them of.

It’s playing into their hands and it’s very similar to what happened when Jacqui Smith banned Michael Savage from entering the UK. If she’d have shut the fuck up about him then the vast majority of the UK population would have got on with life perfectly well whilst remaining ignorant of his very existence.

It was a prime example of how to make a situation that was never really bad to start with as shitty as possible and achieve the opposite to what you intended.

Similarly with this BNP invitation fiasco.

Let the two twats attend, then let the BNP report that their glorious leader went to a Buckingham Palace tea party, and then forget about it.

There was never any implied support for the BNP from anyone drawing up a guest list or issuing invitations and it would be very hard for even the BNP to twist events to infer that there was.

Instead, what we have is a lot of frothing from people too fucking stupid to see any further than their own sense of outrage like good old Boris Johnson who is anxious to avoid:

potential embarrassment to Her Majesty

All such statements do is draw attention to the BNP and provide it with ammunition to further its aims.

Another own goal, I’m afraid.

Are you positive this is 2009?

Only $9.95! *

FFS…everyone’s at this religion thing ** today.

A bloke getting nailed onto a cross is about as relevant in 2009 as some over-privileged old slapper with a nosegay going round giving a few fellow pensioners some special groats they can’t spend on porn and smack.

*Glowing Jesus on The Cross. A spun glass masterpiece depicting Jesus at the moment of His ultimate sacrifice glows with a brilliant inner light. Mirror backing. LED light base. 3″ x 2 3/4″ x 5″

**Do not click unless you are immune to the stench of sanctimony and hypocrisy.

Frankie Boyle – the Mail hates him

I’ve probably laughed more at Frankie Boyle than any other comedian in 2008, although Russell Brand’s new series of Ponderland had its moments.

Anyway, here’s Frankie’s best ever moment in ‘Mock the Week’:

(pretending to be a waiter taking an order in a restaurant)

Yeah, there’s a vegetarian option…You can FUCK OFF.

Squeaking in a close second (probably because it really pissed off the Daily Mail) is his joke about the Queen:

(pretending to be Brenda)

I have had a few medical issues this year I’m now so old that my pussy is haunted.

It was broadcast at the height of the Ross/Brand fiasco and did the Mail ever have a major bug up its ass over it:

While fury against the BBC over Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross was at its peak, the corporation brazenly aired a highly offensive remark about the Queen.

During the comedy show Mock The Week on Wednesday evening, Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle made a ‘disgracefully foul’ so-called joke.

Sometimes I think that the Mail might have a mole writing for it.

I mean, how can you take this quote from the Boyle story the tiniest bit seriously?

The Daily Mail has uncovered further examples of bad language and degrading remarks given airtime by the corporation.

‘Uncovered’?

WTF does that mean?

Is that ‘uncovered’ as in ‘I watched ‘Top Gear’ and ‘uncovered’ the word ‘cock’ even though it was so cunningly concealed’?’

It makes it sound as if this is cutting edge, investigative, undercover journalism – not some lazy, pissed-up, overpaid, illiterate, self-aggrandising  hack regurgitating what he’s heard during his 3 hour lunch break in the pub over his 6th pint of beer…