Drunken brawl update

Well, Plod rang last night to ask if they could take our statements today. I said yes and then added, ‘Knock loudly as we may be in the garden burying one of the neighbours,’ to which he laughed.

Unfortunately, he then rang us up at 7.45 this morning to tell us he’d be round with a woman colleague.

We weren’t best pleased at our Bank Holiday lie in getting totally fucked, but I said yes all the same as we were already awake.

Sure enough they rolled up an hour later and then took our statements in separate rooms, which lasted about 90 minutes.

I’ve given statements before but I’ve never known anything like this – you’d think Ed Balls was going to be in the dock for serial dog fucking, banknote forgery and possession of 20 kilos of crystal meth.

I had to not only describe exactly what I saw and what those involved looked like, but also my movements during all of this.

In the next room, my wife was going through all of this too.

At one point, I said to the policeman, ‘It’s not worth it, is it?’

When he asked what I meant I replied that it wasn’t some sort of major case, no-one was going to prison, and shouldn’t, and all that was going to happen, if anything did happen now that the guy he assaulted wasn’t pressing charges, was that the guy carrying out the assault might get a nominal fine, or be bound over to keep the peace. Oh, and I didn’t want one of those stupid letters from victim support either.

He didn’t disagree with me.

(I also asked him if he’d pop round to Westminster and taser a few troughers but he wouldn’t agree to that.)

Anyway, what did all this rigmarole actually achieve?

It basically impinged on my life yet again, like last night did.

I think the next time something like this happens, I shall just check that no-one I know is being harmed and my property is safe, then ignore it, and if people want to knock shit out of each other, just let them.

It’s less hassle and if someone dies, so mote it be.

It’ll mean one less arsehole fucking things up for other people.