The usual Daily Mail dogwank

OK…back to some Old Skool Daily Mail bashing.

So, if you have a swear filter, plug the fucker in NOW because some shit’s about to fly.

If you haven’t got a swear filter and don’t like bad language, please fuck all the way off.

If you haven’t got a swear filter and you’re a Daily Mail reader then please fuck all the way off after having rolled your shitty reading matter up into a stout cylinder and stuck it up your arse.

If you don’t give a fuck about swearing then welcome…

I’ve been very restrained on the swearing front lately and I’m going to grab this cunt of an opportunity with both fucking hands and really enjoy the motherfucker.

Ready?

Right…

Here’s the headline:

Muslims refuse to use alcohol-based hand gels over religious beliefs

Here’s the story.

Here’s the first line of that story:

Some Muslims have refused to use alcohol-based hand gels to combat the spread of swine flu because they claim it is against their religion.

See what the Daily Fucking Mail’s doing?

Your attention is grabbed by the headline and then after you’ve assumed that all Muslims are going to stop using hand gel – thus allowing Swine Flu to kill everyone in the whole wide fucking world – it qualifies the initial statement with ‘some’.

A real cuntish trick.

However, how many is ‘some’?

Some of those employed by St Albans Council in Hertfordshire have complained about the antibacterial lotion, which is considered a key strategy in containing the virus.

Officials were concerned because the Koran bans Muslims from consuming alcohol, so council chiefs issued them with non-alcohol hand gels, which studies have shown to be less effective in killing bugs.

Ah, some of those employed by one town in one county.

Furthermore:

…Muslim leaders criticised the council’s decision to change the gel, pointing out that Islamic teachings allow Muslims to use alcohol for medicinal purposes.

The Muslim Council of Britain said: ‘We would advise people to follow the medical advice so we would, of course, encourage people to use hand gel. ‘People need to find ways to accommodate their beliefs.’

So, that’s some Muslim employees from one town in one county acting against the teachings of their own religious leaders.

Out of the 8 comments so far made (yes, only 8 because it’s not about people in gay marriages adopting children or plummeting house prices) on the article by readers (and I use that term very loosely) there’s the usual frothing:

All those who are unwilling to adhere to set guidlines should be sacked. Yes, we all have the right to practice our chosen religion in UK, a privalidge not afforded in all countries. But this does not equate to increasing the risk of infection to others solely on the basis of your chosen religion.

Why are muslim advisors invoved? This is a matter of public health, infections do not discriminate.

– diane, london, 26/7/2009 00:41

Stop wasting our tax money on coming up with expensive alternatives to anyone who refuses to abide by the rules on “religious or any other non ridiculous grounds.” There are troops out there dying because of lack of funds and equipment. Please – somebody rescue us from this clueless party – Labour.

– Emily Moran, Wokingham, UK, 26/7/2009 01:21

Thank you Emily and Diane – now fuck off and screw yourself with your precious fucking newspaper.

However there’s also a bit of reason evident for a change:

‘But Muslim leaders criticised the council’s decision to change the gel, pointing out that Islamic teachings allow Muslims to use alcohol for medicinal purposes.’

So what’s the fuss ?

– Jay, Liverpool, uk, 25/7/2009 23:42

I’m guessing Jay found his usual paper had sold out and he had to make do with the paper read by fuckheads.

So, there you go…

More cuntishness by the paper that never fails to surpass itself in cuntishness.

A nice bit of alarm-rasing for those easily swayed.

Result?

Hordes of pig-ignorant pillocks with dogwank for brains are going to read that headline and then accuse every Muslim in the country of putting the entire nation’s health at risk.

Well done, chaps.

I bet Paul Dacre’s really proud of you.

Cunts.

Wheelie bad news

Hmm…a bit of free time, so a cruise through the news…

World news…Ooh, Iran…OK there…nice and quiet…and North Korea won the footy…well done, them! So much for the ‘axis of evil’ and regional instability in the Far and Middle East.

The Economy…ah…lots of green shoots, so everything OK by Christmas. Two jobs for everyone and maybe some tax cuts next year!

Politics…nice to see full transparency over the MPs’ expenses…no need to bother with any reforms there. Carry on chaps – and dredge another moat on me, why don’t you?

Health…lots of dosh sloshing round in the NHS…waiting lists so short they’re begging you to have an op even if you don’t need one.

Local news…Doncaster’s well set…new EDP Mayor who’s going to clean up the town…Utopia by the autumn!

Everything’s great!

Not much news at all.

Which must explain why the Daily Mail is making such a big deal over this – even to the extent of launching a campaign.

Child abuse…economic ruin…criminal justice system broken…parliamentary corruption…

Pah!

It’s those evil, evil wheelie bins that are the source of all mankind’s woes.

To Paul Dacre…it’s not the bins you twat…it’s the EU directives on waste you should be concerned about…

Au revoir Revoir

That low rent pile of shite the Mail is at it again.

Yes, it’s Sachsgate once more but this time ace reporter Paul Revoir has surpassed himself and most of the other hacks on the paper.

The article has a Twitpic photo of Ross with some showbiz chums.

Revoir’s copy reads:

Ross and Brand have responded defiantly by posting a photograph on the internet of themselves in high spirits with a group of friends, giving the impression that they ‘couldn’t care less’ about the furore.

I really can’t see any defiance in either the photo or even the act of posting it.

Ross posts a lot of photos on Twitpic which are immensely boring – just like the one used in the Mail today – but have no ‘agenda’ as far as I can see.

Yet Revoir somehow gets beneath the merely visual with intrepid zeal, licks the end of his ‘Young Reporter’s’ pencil and extrapolates a whole fictitious scenario of these evil-doers posing defiantly for the camera like some modern-day Bonny and Clyde.

Besides, what does he expect Ross to do?

Not enjoy himself with friends?

Sit at home scourging himself?

Stay in bed all day moping?

Of course not, but Revoir has obviously taken all this a grudge too far.

But, here’s an idea for Baron Dacre at Mail Towers that I offer in a spirit of bonhomie and with the purpose of improving the standard of his paper’s ‘news’ reporting.

When you’re sorting out who to interview for a staff reporting job, send each prospective candidate a piece of paper with 3 dots on it numbered from 1 to 3, laid out in a triangle.

If someone sends you back a picture of a triangle, let them have an interview.

If someone sends you back a picture of an ormolu clock, tell the cunt to get lost.

Simple!

In the meantime, Baron, before this new interview filter is put in place, you might as well get rid of a few of the cunts you already have working at the Mail.

Might I suggest Paul Revoir for a start?