Black holes, white holes and assholes

I’m no Stephen Hawking but, as I understand it, all this black hole stuff is quite simple really.

It’s all due to a collapsed star that has such a strong gravitational pull, due to its super-massive composition, that not even light can escape from it and everything gets sucked in.

Rather like the current Tory Party – except it’s not what gets sucked in, but what doesn’t get blown out.

Let me explain.

The Labour Party is all but dead because it’s making itself more unelectable with every passing day.

Economic ineptitude, MPs’ expenses, the Red Rag/sleaze campaign, the Gurkhas defeat, Brown on You Tube, cabinet members saying that they don’t want to be Brown’s successor when all they’re doing is really floating the idea, rapid erosion of civil liberties and  other embarrassments all mean that the next General Election will see Labour out.

There’s no way I’m voting Labour again for an eleventh time so my vote is up for grabs.

I’m sure Dave would like it.

But Dave’s not saying anything.

There’s a black hole there that makes a few disapproving noises at Labour but nothing of any substance comes out of it – so I guess it’s probably a white hole really which is supposed to eject stuff, but this one is obviously broken.

Where’s some ideas, for fuck’s sake?

How are Dave and George and all the rest of the chaps going to rescue our economy, clean up corruption in Parliament, give us back our basic freedoms and give this country some direction?

There must be lots of people like me – disillusioned Labour voters – so isn’t it about time they gave us some clue about what they’re going to do?

I’d hate to stop voting for one load of assholes and then just help to vote another load in…

A tale of 3 women

Labour seems to have gone to ratshit very quickly in a couple of days and I can’t say much of it gives me any hope whatsoever for the future…

There’s Jacqui Smith about to be asked to justify her expenses claim on her homes – I’m not too upset about that.

“I’m grinning like a shithouse rat because I’ve just trousered £116,000 of your money”

I don’t like her.

Strident and earnest with glottal stop issues.

She’s completely shit at her job and if she wasn’t in politics fuck knows what she’d be good for.

But that’s as good as it gets.

It’s all downhill into shitcreek – no paddles provided – from now on.

You are HERE

Hazel Blears has spoken up – loudly it would seem as no-one could surely see ‘Midget Woman, Champion of the People, my Dad were a real member of the working class and so am I and by the way, do you think my rictus looks like a cheeky grin?’ even if she stuck her hand up and jumped up in the air with the aid of a fucking jet-powered pogo stick.

“Eee…I wish I were wearing me clogs like the simple working class girl I like people to think I am…”

She has told the Cabinet to ‘get a grip’.

It’s about fucking time they did.

Which leads us on to the reason for the Poison Dwarf’s appeal…

…Harriet Fucking Harman – who does or doesn’t (depending on what you read) fancy her chances at an attempt for the Leadership.

“Life’s so peachy when your job is the biggest sinecure in British politics”

Now, that would be a fucking good reason to emigrate if she did.

Fucking hard-faced, two-faced, snooty, condescending bitch.

I’ve never been able to look at her on TV without feeling like shouting at the smug hypocritical cow.

If she ends up leading the Labour Party and the country, we’re all royally fucked if we aren’t already.

So, sorry about that – no satire, no wit, no insight, no reasoned argument – just a disorganised stream of random abuse at three rather unpleasant boils on the backside of the British people.

However, I’ve tried to dig up some unflattering photos of these three apologies for human beings, so you can’t say I haven’t tried…

Also I’ve inserted some captions in a vain attempt to brighten up the gloom I’ve brought upon myself with this entry.