Au revoir Revoir

That low rent pile of shite the Mail is at it again.

Yes, it’s Sachsgate once more but this time ace reporter Paul Revoir has surpassed himself and most of the other hacks on the paper.

The article has a Twitpic photo of Ross with some showbiz chums.

Revoir’s copy reads:

Ross and Brand have responded defiantly by posting a photograph on the internet of themselves in high spirits with a group of friends, giving the impression that they ‘couldn’t care less’ about the furore.

I really can’t see any defiance in either the photo or even the act of posting it.

Ross posts a lot of photos on Twitpic which are immensely boring – just like the one used in the Mail today – but have no ‘agenda’ as far as I can see.

Yet Revoir somehow gets beneath the merely visual with intrepid zeal, licks the end of his ‘Young Reporter’s’ pencil and extrapolates a whole fictitious scenario of these evil-doers posing defiantly for the camera like some modern-day Bonny and Clyde.

Besides, what does he expect Ross to do?

Not enjoy himself with friends?

Sit at home scourging himself?

Stay in bed all day moping?

Of course not, but Revoir has obviously taken all this a grudge too far.

But, here’s an idea for Baron Dacre at Mail Towers that I offer in a spirit of bonhomie and with the purpose of improving the standard of his paper’s ‘news’ reporting.

When you’re sorting out who to interview for a staff reporting job, send each prospective candidate a piece of paper with 3 dots on it numbered from 1 to 3, laid out in a triangle.

If someone sends you back a picture of a triangle, let them have an interview.

If someone sends you back a picture of an ormolu clock, tell the cunt to get lost.

Simple!

In the meantime, Baron, before this new interview filter is put in place, you might as well get rid of a few of the cunts you already have working at the Mail.

Might I suggest Paul Revoir for a start?

The fucked-up Daily Mail and Sachsgate – the stench lingers on

Even by its own lamentable standards the Mail has made a bit of a twat of itself today.

Yes, it’s the Ross/Brand circus all over again after the news that OFCOM has fined the BBC £150 000 – that’s about one MP’s expenses for those wanting a quick currency conversion.

Make Ross pay: As BBC is fined record £150,000 over sick stunt, MPs demand £6m-a-year star and Russell Brand foot bill

Two points worth raising here.

MPs?

Well, only just…as one Lib Dem Don Foster (who he?) chips in (they’ve always got something to say about everything, haven’t they?) and Labour’s Gerald Kaufman is prised out of cryogenic storage to speak his brains – file between fish fingers and hash browns.

So, yes, that’s certainly MPs in the plural but hardly the swell of parliamentary opinion that the headline infers.

The other point concerns the woman in this affair – Sach’s granddaughter.

Interesting choice of photograph of her the Mail has made for this ‘story’…stockings, suspenders, etc.

So, whilst the comments column below is full of a bukkake-like outspewing of moral froth and puritanical self-righteousness the actual story is illustrated with a picture whose only purpose seems to be to titillate the readership.

Weren’t there any photographs of Ms Baillie in slightly more clothes?

And where does that place the Mail in its attempts to lay claim to any moral high ground in this whole affair?

It portrays Ms Baillie as the injured party yet shows her in her underwear in a pose clearly intended to be provocative.

It’s confused and confusing to say the least and takes me into places I’d rather not go with regard to the twisted psyches of some Mail readers – not to mention their journalistic pimps.

One last thing…

Hazel ‘eee I’m just a simple Northern lass wi’ me flatcap on me head and a whippet in my briefs’ Blears appeared on the BBC’s Question Time program last week and also joined in the Ross/Brand debate saying that they should pay the fine, so that’s one MP the Mail missed, bringing the number of MPs actually calling for this to happen to a grand total of 3:

The BBC is funded by all of us as licence-payers, so actually, are we having to pay the fine?  Then I thought maybe Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand should pay it… that might be quite a good idea.

However, I’m sure that Hazel ‘eee I’ve gone upmarket and now I keep me coal in the bath at me second home and pass me some more whippet and black pudding flavour crisps’ Blears has something slightly more pressing to think about right now.

Hot news – Ross doesn’t say ‘fuck’ on TV

Once again the Mail plumbs new depths of inanity and self-righteousness.

Yes, it’s now scourging itself and its barely-literate readership into an orgasmic frenzy over what WASN’T broadcast in Jonathan Ross’ first TV show after his 12 week suspension.

Is it just me, or is this not the stuff of comedy?

Or is it yet more cluster fuck journalism from Dacre and his chums?

Maybe it’s both…

Late addition:

Here’s a comment from one of the Mail’s readers:

I’m proud to say I didn’t switch on! The thought of smug Ross and even smugger Stephen Fry cuddling up was too revolting to contemplate! Lee Evans and Tom Cruise as star guests??? How about people like Orson Wells and Bob Hope, now they were stars. Today we have pygmies!

Woss’s Weturn

OK, time for another cheap shot at the Daily Mail…I haven’t slagged them off properly for a while.

New row for BBC as Jonathan Ross returns to plum role of  Baftas host two weeks after suspension ends

The BBC was last night embroiled in a fresh row over Jonathan Ross after it emerged he will host the prestigious Orange British Academy Film Awards (Baftas) on BBC1 – just two weeks after returning to work from suspension.

The controversial presenter has been handed back the plum role presenting Britain’s answer to the Oscars despite public and political outrage over his lewd phone calls to actor Andrew Sachs.

This story is so typical of the kneejerk reaction that passes for news and comment in this piece of tabloid shit.

The floppy-haired scamp’s suspension was for 12 weeks, so keep him off the air for any longer and it’s not a 12 week suspension, it’s more than 12 weeks.

So, now we have to explain simple maths to the fuckwitted rag…

What’s the BBC supposed to do?

Suspend him for 12 weeks but just ignore him for a further month on the off chance he won’t notice?

And it’s not as if he’s been given a new job – Ross has done the BAFTAs gig before.

So, what would the Mail like to happen to Ross?

Maybe come back to work and find a picture of a penis scrawled on his office door?

A drawing pin left on his chair?

How about allowing him back on our screens but only every other week at 2am on BBC 4 presenting a program about llama rearing?

Of course, like the moralising heap of excrement that it is, the Mail would like Ross to vanish from the airwaves altogether – but he’s too popular.

Thank fuck…

Oh, and Dacre hasn’t got a gong – but Ross has…har-de-har…