Worst guitar playing ever?

About a million years ago, Deep Purple recorded an absolutely spiffing instrumental titled ‘Wring That Neck’ which I’ve always liked – especially live as I featured here not too long ago.

Well, just now, I was pottering about on Spotify – possibly the best music service ever – and found this. (You can only hear the track if you’re on Spotify, so if you’re not, sign up for a free account NOW!).

I almost fell off my fucking chair when I heard it.

It’s a version of ‘Wring That Neck’ by a band called ‘Global Warming’ and it has to feature some of the worst guitar playing I’ve ever heard – either that, or it’s a work of genius by someone who wants to sound bad – but I doubt that…

The opening guitar takes a while to settle down into keeping the same key but then cunningly loses the key centre in the head, regains it and then loses it again.

There then follows a bit of impro which, quite frankly, stinks – no other term will do – and then gets worse and then, in desperation, auto-wah is switched on briefly before the next impro section.

Somehow, the guitarist manages to top each chorus with even worse playing than the one before – some achievement.

I sort of feel sorry for the bassist and drummer who play adequately and had to suffer this clown on guitar, although they lose points for not telling him how shit he was and then burning his guitar and amp.

Whoever the guitarist is, he has Van Gogh’s ear for music – the one he cut off.

Straight up, imagine Eric Morecombe on piano in the classic Morecombe and Wise sketch with Andre Previn – all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order – and you might get a hint as to the masterpiece of sheer unalloyed crapness that Global Warming have created with this track.

Now, I love music, but this track has to take the fucking biscuit as far as bad guitar playing goes – in fact, it takes a whole lorry load of them.

Please give it a listen – it’s truly shite.

By the way, if the guitarist is reading this, sorry mate but you’re fucking terrible.

Could I do better?

Fuck, yes.

It would have been too easy to call this entry ‘Plain Stupid’ so I won’t

Time for another confession.

I’m not incredibly taken with the climate change lobby.

It strikes me that it’s just too simplistic to attribute the changing climate to one factor – carbon emissions – when the weather itself is such a complex system. It doesn’t make sense to me on a scientific level.

What I do agree with, however, is that we shouldn’t waste this planet’s limited resources, so I guess that the campaigners and I are probably going to achieve the same ends in the long run.

Which brings me to this.

The climate action group Plane Stupid organised a protest at Stansted today – forcing dozens of flights to be cancelled and thousands of passengers consequently stranded at the airport.

Several thoughts and questions occur to me…

What chronic lack of security allowed nearly 60 protesters into a secure area along with concrete blocks and their own security fencing?

Isn’t it irresponsible to ‘test’ security in this way post 9/11?

Why did it take 5 hours to clear the runway and then arrest 57 people?

Why does Plane Stupid think that by inconveniencing people and disrupting their travel plans that those same people are going to support their cause?

Surely you need Joe Public on your side if you’re going to bring about any change in the government’s policies or the airports’ and airlines’ operating procedures?

Why alienate those you really need on your side?

Is the British public ever likely to respond to such ‘direct action’ methods?

To be honest, I don’t think they’ve ever been or ever will be the cause of any sympathetic resonance within the national psyche, added to which our political system doesn’t have a fast response time when it comes to public pressure. The gears of government rotate and engage very slowly.

To put it bluntly, all I think that Plane Stupid have done is to piss off a bunch of ordinary people that just wanted to get on with their journeys and didn’t get the message at all.

Perhaps their cause is a good one – it’s certainly one which a great many people share – but their methods really stink.

I suppose that what really irritates me – not being affected by the protest –  is crap like this from one of the protesters:

“We’re afraid of what the police might do to us, we’re afraid of going to jail but nothing scares us as much as the threat of runaway climate change.”

Afraid of the police FFS?

This isn’t China, Zimbabwe or Burma!

They’re not going to be beaten up or have electrodes attached to their genitalia and then after a show trial get lashed to a stake in front of a firing squad.

No, it’ll be a court appearance – maybe – and if so, maybe a small fine or some community service. Odds are that they’ll just be cautioned with maybe one or two people facing a criminal damage charge. Talk about self-delusion…

The fact that they can protest without any harsh penalty says more about the continued tolerance of our society than it does about their own.

Meanwhile Plane Stupid has apologised to passengers for the disruption.

Oh, that’s OK then…

Lest it be said that I’m just ranting and not putting forward any constructive ideas, how about this?

One medium haul flight alone emits about 700 tons of CO2, so how about stopping the empty and half empty flights that the major airlines have to schedule so that their slots stay open at the airports?

Legislate against this and then leave Aunty Aggie to fly to visit her daughter in Dublin in peace.

There, sorted.