It’s smuttiness gone mad, I tell you!

(Read on, it’ll put you off kebabs for life)

You’d expect the Daily mail to run with this story – if you can call it that – but possibly not the Telegraph, who have anyway.

It concerns a well-known but slightly old-fashioned English dessert, Spotted Dick.

Council turns ‘offensive’ Spotted Dick into Spotted Richard to spare blushes of diners

A council has taken Spotted Dick off the menu at its staff canteen because of comments from sniggering diners.

Flintshire County Council’s dining room now serves Spotted Richard instead.

County councillor Klaus Armstrong-Braun was told Spotted Dick was banned because it was ‘offensive’.

‘I couldn’t believe it, it seemed ludicrous. Spotted Dick is part of our heritage,’ he said.

‘It just seemed political correctness gone mad. There was a sign in the dining room for things like rice pudding and then this Spotted Richard – I had to ask what it was,’ he said.

‘Whoever has changed it needs to be told they are being silly.’

(Klaus Armstrong-Braun – what an amazing name!)

Delve a little deeper, however – and I find that always pays, especially with the Mail – and all is not quite what it seems.

A spokesman for Flintshire County Council said: ‘The correct title for this dish is Spotted Dick. However, because of several immature comments from a few customers, catering staff  renamed the dish Spotted Richard or Sultana Sponge.

‘This was not a policy decision, canteen staff simply acted as they thought best to put an end to unwelcome and childish comments, albeit from a very small number of customers.’

So, it wasn’t the council, in fact, but some of its over-sensitive kitchen staff.

Nothing to do with what Klaus baby calls ‘political correctness gone mad‘.

And there it is again – that FUCKING WANKING CUNTING cliche.

It’s nothing to do with fucking ‘political correctness’ – it’s to do with a few kitchen staff being stupid cunts.

Strangely, for the Mail, most of the readers’ comments adopt a flippant, sometimes smutty approach, of which this is probably the best example:

I remember when you could get a ham shank from a frendly butcher.

– spg, uk, 8/9/2009 17:24

But there are the odd couple of comments that prompt me to ask whether a humour bypass is now available on the NHS:

I am appalled. This is political correctness gone mad. If the traditional British pud is not safe from the PC brigade, then what’s next on the list. Dumplings ? I suppose they’ll have to be renamed “Suet lumps” ( suet balls would be out for obvious reasons). Why should they stop there? Nut cutlets will have to be renamed ” meat substitute cutlets. We need to stand up to these numpties before they take all the fun out of life. I’ m all for not offending people but there needs to be some fun in life- and some common sense applied…

– Ed, Northampton, England, 8/9/2009 16:30

(Note ‘PC brigade’ – a variation of ‘political correctness gone mad’ trotted out by some stoat-fucker who hasn’t read the article properly.)

How much longer is this stupid and insidious political correctness going to continue? When will common sense be restored to this country?
Why are there such idiots on some of these councils?

– Raymond cox, Halesowen, England, 8/9/2009 16:19

Well, you cliche-spouting, PC-weary, ignorant fucks, why not fight back, you fucking pussy-assed weasel-felchers?

Why not rename some of our favourite meals?

That’ll show the Guardian-reading, tree-hugging, muesli wasitcoat-wearing, loony lefties.

Here’s some examples, you wimpy cunting muthafuckas:

Doner Kebab – Slapper’s Minge

Meat and two veg – Cock and Bollocks

Sausage Roll – Knob in a Flannel

Fight back you gutless bastards – reclaim our native smuttiness.

Do anything, in fact, except bang on about political fucking correctness, you humourless, ignorant, whining shitheads.

And learn to fucking read, you spunkbubbles.

Making the effort

As chief cook here I usually try and make an extra special effort for Saturday evening if I’m not gigging.

Tonight we had fillet steak, potatoes sauteed with garlic and rosemary and broccoli braised in lemon juice and butter garnished with roasted flaked almonds.

I cheated on the dessert as we had a portion of chocolate mousse from the patisserie in Milton Keynes.

Not exactly frugal food but you have to make an effort, don’t you?