Not so fast with that noose!

At times over the last few months it’s been difficult to peer through the sickly red mist that’s descended whenever I’ve read something about the incredible cupidity of our troughing MPs.

Wank films, duck houses, moat-cleaning, plasma TVs, etc, etc – we’ve been steadily bombarded with details of these and many other items that we, the taxpayers, have paid for.

Now, it seems to be payback time, although when you hear about someone like Jacqui Smith you begin to wonder how seriously widespread public anger and unrest are being taken.

So does Sir Thomas Legg who heads up the team auditing MPs’ expenses claims and clawing back overpayments and the like.

Well done, Sir Thomas!

But is it?

Playing devil’s advocate here, is this statement from Legg really how we want rules and regulations – not to mention laws – applied in a just and fair society?

…Sir Thomas said that he could find nothing in the existing rules setting out the maximum allowable for other large expenses, including cleaning and gardening. Therefore, he believed that limits must be imposed retrospectively.

“Some limits must be regarded as having been in place to prevent disproportionate and unnecessary expenditure from the public purse,” he said.

What do we stand to gain from more – retrospective payments obtained from rewritten and reinterpreted regulations to satisfy a public hunger for revenge or a total revamping of the conditions under which MPs represent the people who vote them into their jobs?

Yes, they took the piss – and I’ve been as vociferous as most people in my condemnation of their greed and corruption – but do we really want to employ a mechanism whereby people can be retrospectively held to account for their misdemeanours after the rules have been changed?

I sure as fuck don’t.

Punish the cunts to the fullest extent of the law and claw back every fucking red cent from the felching shitweasels but then press for Parliament for legislation to ensure full accountability of MPs in all aspects of their job.

It’s the only way to avoid this happening again a few years down the line – if our rewritten laws will allow us to do anything about it by then…

The alternative just opens up possibilities that hardly bear thinking about.

Yesterday’s Trafigura/Carter Ruck/Guardian debacle showed how the application of laws can be hidden from scrutiny – do we really want our laws to be arbitrarily changed as well?

In praise of champagne drinkers

This recent tweet…

Nice to see Cameron drinking champagne whilst cutting pay for nurses and teachers

…made me see red.

Or, rather, detect red.

It refers to this ‘story’, which features a photograph (see above) of Call me Dave sipping champagne at the Tory Conference yesterday, in flagrant defiance of Eric Pickles’ ban on the stuff.

I’m going to quote it in full, as it merits a fisking.

David Cameron quaffs £140-a-bottle bubbly

Was it, in fact, £140 a bottle champagne or cheap champagne, or maybe just some Cava? And so fucking what if it did cost £140 a bottle? It was supplied by the Spectator magazine, so it didn’t cost the taxpayer a penny.

with his rich chums

And journalists who seem to have a talent for sniffing out free booze…

just hours before the Tories announced a pay freeze for millions of ordinary workers.

What fucking pay freeze? The Mirror seems to have prematurely ejaculated its news spunk in a similar manner to the twitterer quoted above. These cuts are only proposals.

No cunt has cut anything yet – more’s the fucking pity…

Mr Cameron flouted a champagne ban imposed by his own party chairman

Pie Boy Pickles didn’t actually ban champagne. Yes, he wanted to deny the press the chance to come out with shit like the Mirror did today but it was more like advice: “Mr Pickles had declared that he wanted to see ‘less Champagne bubbles and more bubbling activity’.” (He) was keen to avoid accusations the Tories believe the election is in the bag: “It’s actually a humbling thing.”

When we caught him sipping fizz at an exclusive party, heavy-handed minders immediately moved in and tried to stop us leaving with the embarrassing snap.

Ah…the poor persecuted Press. Striking a blow for truth and justice. Are they fucking bollocks.

Union boss Dave Prentis said: “It is sickening. This is the real face of the Tories.

This is where my brain went into total fucking meltdown and nearly imploded. I blogged about a certain Derek Simpson a few months ago. Yes, the Unite leader who pisses away union funds on £400 a night hotel rooms. In light of this and other union boss excesses, there’s no way to put my response to Prentis other than, ‘fuck off, you putrid smear of hypocritical cockdribble.’

“Champagne for Cameron and his crew, as though the recession never happened, while millions face a thirsty future with frozen pay, job and pension cuts.”

That’s free champagne – always hard to refuse, especially when someone plonks a glass in your hand, as seems to be the case with Cameron – and a thirsty future no matter who gets into power next year. One glass of champagne more or less isn’t going to alter the fact that the economy is fucked.

This whole champagne metaphor really is getting a bit tired, isn’t it?

You can buy a bottle for about £15, which we occasionally do in a mixed case of 6 bottles from Majestic wine. We do this in preference to buying a multibuy of 60 bottles of Stella for £20 from Tesco.

So, I sometimes choose to drink champagne rather than Stella (not that I drink that horrible fizzy piss anyway).

Does that make me a ‘toff’?

Do I sound like a fucking toff?

Fuck…sometimes we go mad and buy a bottle of something better like Veuve Clicquot for £30.

So fucking what? It’s my money and I’m not spending taxpayer-funded benefit on it.

Has it really come to this? Are we really getting back to the cliche of the top-hatted Toff quaffing champers versus the flat-capped worker swigging his pint of best bitter?

Times have changed since that scenario – if it ever existed outside the media – and people conveniently forget that wealth, privilege and dynastic entitlement are no longer restricted to one sector of society.

If proof were needed then I only really need one word:


Wealth? – it’ll cost you £180 to get a photo opp with Tony. Goes some way to shoring up a vast personal fortune that is sometimes dubiously amassed. And at least Cameron made his money before his likely Premiership.

Privilege? – there are still questions to be asked about that mortgage.

Dynastic entitlement? – how long until we get a young Leo Blair parachuted in to a safe Labour seat?10 years?

What Blair and NuLabour have created is a political class just as corrupt, devious and decadent as any upper class stereotype hauled out to reinforce the prejudices of the ignorant and easily-swayed.

It says much about the desperation levels of the left wing media that once more they have to resort to such shoddy tactics and it reveals a contempt for the electorate that borders on the cynical.

It’s not the champagne drinkers we need to worry about – it’s the cuntjobs who don’t want us to drink it that pose the biggest threat to our society.


To be honest, you’re better off with something like a Cremant – Jura, Alsace or Bourgogne – than cheap champagne. It’s cheaper and often far better. Don’t underestimate Prosecco, either. A decent one, well chilled, is a cheap but worthy substitute.

That ‘fin de siecle’ feeling?

Bring a bottle – Dress optional – RSVP

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that today has a sort of ‘fin de siècle’ feeling about it?

I think it’s all to do with the Labour Conference and what really puts the tin lid on it was Brown’s increasingly annoyed mood yesterday as he gave interviews to various reporters who didn’t ask him the questions that he’d prepared the answers for.

They took Brown right off the script and left him floundering and regurgitating the same old empty messages of hope to a severely pissed-off TV audience.

In the end, Brown had just had enough and finally stomped away from the interview area after giving Sky News’ Adam Boulton not just a look which could kill, but a look which was guaranteed to visit all the agonies of Purgatory on you and every cunt else you know with vaguely similar DNA, before letting you all die a very slow and lingering death at the hands of the bastard feral offspring of Heinrich Himmler and Elizabeth Bathory.

What Brown wanted to talk about, of course, was Labour’s ‘new’ plans for after the next election but what he got asked about was the Sun’s withdrawal of support and his fitness to be leader of his party.

I can’t recall a UK Prime Minister ever reacting to an interviewer quite like Brown did to Boulton.

Yes, Prescott actually lamped an egg-thrower and Michael Howard stormed out of a Paxman interview but they weren’t Prime Ministers.

What Brown did was totally unique as far as I know and a sign, surely, that just as much as we’re totally fucked off with him, so he is with the current situation.

Not a happy camper.

(And I suppose, to be fair, if you’ve pissed of the Sun then you might as well piss off Sky News as well.)

Hence my ‘fin de siècle’ mood.

Brown is a dead man walking, this government is out sometime next year and the Labour Party itself may never recover from what is going to be a humiliating defeat.

Not that it’s good times ahead.

No, a true ‘fin de siècle’ mood isn’t one of hope after degeneracy, but rather a sort of euphoric feeling about what lies ahead even though you have no idea what it’s going to be like.

The best way I can describe it is by comparing it to weightlessness, but a weightlessness of the mind – a sort of cerebral free fall into the future.

We’ll have a Tory government sometime in 2010, and perhaps next week at the Tory Conference – and it’ll be about fucking time too – some idea of what Cameron and his merry band of Bullingdon boys are going to do to make this country a bit less fucked up than it’s been for the last 12 years.

I’m not expecting any magic wands to be waved – certainly there’s no fucking money left to do anything positive with so to get some money eventually it’s going to have to be negativity in the form of cuts. I really can’t see any alternative.

Who the fuck knows?

Maybe we should take a little advice from His Purpleness and, until next week at least, maybe party down – perhaps not like it’s 1999 but certainly as if it’s a small turning point in our history and our lives.

At this point I’d have added a link to a YouTube video of Mr Squiggle singing 1999 but the little fucker won’t allow his videos on there so this’ll have to do instead.

Not exactly a hardship though…

When Greggs runs the economy

Today’s special offer – 2 cuntish ideas for the price of one!

Carrying on from last night’s entry – uploaded via my iPhone whilst luxuriating in black satin sheets and fed grapes and Ovaltine by voluptuous serving wenches – a few thoughts on who might have some effective solutions to many of our current problems.

Taking the ‘alcohol problem’, which seems to be rapidly becoming a fucking obsession with the BMA and other government bum monkeys, it struck me that no-one apart from Libertarian bloggers seems to see this manufactured social ‘blight’ for what it really is – an excuse to not just simply further erode our personal freedoms, but to start beating the living shit out of them to ensure a speedy demise.

I refer readers to some excellent blog entries over at Devil’s Kitchen and Dick Puddlecote that deal with this matter – both coming from a Libertarian point of view.

If you want to know what Tory and Labour bloggers think, then tough shit – no-one seems too concerned.

So, why should we really give a flying fuck about them?

Turning to another matter which never seems to leave the headlines – the perilous and extremely shitty state of the global economy – both the Tories and Labour announced ‘proposals’ yesterday.

(I have no idea what the LibDems had to say – nothing apparently. They’re probably still trying to find the toilets at Westminster.)

Call me Dave set out his car boot sale stall with some frankly very resistable items.

David Cameron has pledged to end MPs’ subsidised alcohol and food and reduce ministerial salaries if the Tories win power at the next election.

He also said the number of MPs and ministerial cars would be cut.

The Tory leader said it would amount to only a “pinprick” in overall savings needed – but politicians had to take a lead in bearing the “burden” of debt.

He also said government spending should be cut immediately, calling Labour’s plans for next year “unaffordable”.

What a tease, eh?

He had some really cheap stuff laid out but kept back the really good gear.

Why, one might almost have to wonder whether he had any other suggestions beyond the ‘pinprick’ he detailed.

Although there was this, just casually dropped into the speech.

government spending should be cut immediately



And, Dave, you cockbiscuit, cutting the number of MPs by 10% isn’t enough.

50% and you might be onto something.

Incidentally, did anyone else notice that our Dave’s starting to add a few more glottal stops and ‘gonnas’ into his speeches?

He seems to have gone all Eastenders on us…

Meanwhile, in his new show at the Cardiff Fringe Festival, Alistair ‘How the fuck have I been able to keep this kushy overpaid job when I’m such a useless streak of twatbatter?’ Darling seemed to think that we could economise our way out of the shit though efficiency savings and shifting resources around like chairs in a secondhand shop.

“What I want to see is a serious debate in this country as to where we need to spend our money, where we need to set our priorities which will define us, as a country, which will provide will provide people with jobs and opportunities for the next five or 10 years.

“That is a very important discussion to have. There will come a time when you have to spell out ‘well, this is what we’re doing, this is what we’re not doing’.

I could have cut and pasted more, but it doesn’t actually mean a fucking thing – any of it.

And, I don’t know about you, but after about two sentences from the cunt, I get to the stage where my eyes glaze over and I lose the will to live.

Or I become enraged and then seized with a burning desire to shove a red-hot spoon up my rectum.

Because, if someone’s going to cause me that much grief, I want that person to be me.

(The LibDems?…oh, them?…still looking for the Commons shithouse…)

When you reduce the current financial crisis to its effect on people going about their day to day business, thinking about things like how much money they’re left with after tax, how much of the sum remaining is going to get taken away in further taxes and what all that tax is spent on, then no-one from the major parties seems to be offering much hope.

Which is where Libertarianism comes in.

Yes, I acknowledge that within the movement there’s a very wide range of approaches to sorting out government and personal finance, but surely, when the usual suspects seem to be offering nothing that is in anyway new or radical, a different approach is at least worth exploring?

The Libertarian Party (LPUK) manifesto’s first point on the Economy is this:

Personal Income Tax to be abolished in second financial year of a Libertarian government.

If you follow the link in the quote, it explains the proposal further and details a way out of the demoralising and stifling cluster fuck of continual tax hikes and increasing welfare dependency.

Isn’t that worth at least considering?

Or do we want the same old tired ideas trotted out as we sink deeper and deeper into personal and national debt?

Perhaps if we avoided the poverty of ideas that were set out yesterday, like so many unappetising half-baked sausage rolls in a Greggs window display, then perhaps we could avoid poverty itself.

Putting the twat back into politics

Far be it from me to come out in support of David ‘Bullingdon’ Cameron, but I thought this was actually rather amusing.

As for the BBC’s po-faced description of the word ‘twat’ as a 4 letter word…well, at least Call me Dave didn’t say ‘cunt’.

I had a dream…

…last night.

Perhaps someone would like to analyze it for me.

I’m standing apart from Gordon Brown and David Cameron outside a big old building.

Brown and Cameron start arguing.

Suddenly, Cameron takes a swing at Brown.

I dash over to Cameron, pull him away and shout, ‘Leave ‘im, Dave! E’s not worth it!’ – Eastenders stylee.

What does it mean?

Bullying Gordon and Bullingdon Dave

I’ve tended to screen out most of the over the top remarks and comments about Gordon Brown’s mental health that I’ve read on some of the more extreme and/or right-wing blogs (all be it very popular blogs).

They seem hysterical, defamatory, shallow and no better than some of the out and out fascist shite I’ve read when exploring the more squalid depths of my internets.

However, I have to say that Brown’s press conference yesterday (Thursday 4/6/09) had me wondering about his mental state.

I can’t find the whole conference on line, and this Guardian clip only shows his more rational moments.

Watching the whole thing, however, whilst he’s evidently not totally batshit fucking crazy, he seemed to me to be nervous, evasive and breathless, stuttered quite a bit and kept repeating himself.

(The fact that he blatantly lied about his handling of Alistair Darling I ascribe to the usual political expediency in the whole game. If all politicians who lied were lunatics then we’d be rid of the bastards once and for all…)

However, whilst he’s not straitjacket fodder quite yet, I reckon he’s on the verge of some sort of mental crisis.

Moreover, many people have spoken about his bullying tactics, episodes of rage and Nokia-trashing.

But that’s his problem – it’s the crisis he’s brought about through a series of disastrous decisions that I’m more concerned about.

And how has his recent cabinet ‘reshuffle’ helped this country?

We now have an unelected Prime Minister leading a cabinet with a large proportion of unelected members – peers such as Mandelson and Adonis and soon-to-be peers like Glenys ‘Fuck me, what the cunting fuck is she doing back?’ Kinnock – ‘supported’ by an increasingly fractured body of MPs who are so busy taking sides that they’re more concerned about their own situation and saving their own skins than they are about the people who are paying their salaries – taxpayers like you and me.

I didn’t want an early election when the MPs’ expenses scandal broke, but I’ve changed my mind now.

No-one has any confidence in Brown, his Cabinet, his party or his policies now. Not just here in the UK, but in the rest of the world, and the markets reflect that.

Britain is becoming a joke to the rest of the world and is now a potential banana republic when our AAA credit rating falls through the floor.

Whether an election happens soon – the preferable option – or in a year’s time – which will mean another wasted year – it’s pretty evident that the Tories will get in.

On what basis, I couldn’t really say., but I can’t see anyone out there who’ll beat them.

Call me Dave hasn’t really said much about what is actually going to change – for it’s change we want.

I’m convinced that if there were only two parties then the Tories would do a better job – even if all they did was scrap ID cards, which is the only policy that I recall hearing.

However, every time I find myself thinking, ‘Hmm…maybe I really should give Cameron and his chaps a shot,’ I remember this:

I’m not an envious person. I’m quite content with my lot and acknowledge that there are rich people who can be rich for various reasons – birth, background, through their own efforts, etc, etc.

However, this photo – with its privileged subjects of the Bullingdon Club who have their own ‘uniform’ (which cost over £3000 in 2007) – just keeps me from going any further than just thinking about going Tory.

I could never do it when I can see, second from left at the back, one David Cameron.

It’s not my Labour-voting roots and history, it’s not envy, it’s not any sort of class issue.

I just think I know a bunch of cunts when I see one and I don’t have that much faith in the ability of people to change their attitudes radically as they get older.

I think Dave has a ‘bit of Bully’ in him still.

Incidentally, I’m looking on all this as personal political progress:

Labour have lost my vote forever…and I’m fucked if I’m going to vote for a party led by someone who had to dress up like a total fucking tool to enjoy himself at Uni…

Toodle pip!

Dave and Dale Fail


I see Iain Dale’s quote of the day comes from Dave Cameron:

“I was elected by you to give a lead and I am now doing just that.”

I didn’t think Iain would be quite so easily pleased.

Is this a typical Tory attitude?

If so, epic fail.

As far as I can see it’s just a mild bit of wrist slapping from someone who hasn’t got the cojones to do what anyone who calls themselves a leader should have done as soon as this expenses sleaze started oozing out from the Torygraph.

Where are the sackings?

The withdrawls of the whip?

The signs of firm leadership?

Not anywhere within sniffing distance of Cameron, that’s for sure…

Another epic fail.

Nothing to see here.

Not a fucking sausage…

And all Brown has to do is sack a couple of sacrificial pigs and he’s trumped Cameron.

Black holes, white holes and assholes

I’m no Stephen Hawking but, as I understand it, all this black hole stuff is quite simple really.

It’s all due to a collapsed star that has such a strong gravitational pull, due to its super-massive composition, that not even light can escape from it and everything gets sucked in.

Rather like the current Tory Party – except it’s not what gets sucked in, but what doesn’t get blown out.

Let me explain.

The Labour Party is all but dead because it’s making itself more unelectable with every passing day.

Economic ineptitude, MPs’ expenses, the Red Rag/sleaze campaign, the Gurkhas defeat, Brown on You Tube, cabinet members saying that they don’t want to be Brown’s successor when all they’re doing is really floating the idea, rapid erosion of civil liberties and  other embarrassments all mean that the next General Election will see Labour out.

There’s no way I’m voting Labour again for an eleventh time so my vote is up for grabs.

I’m sure Dave would like it.

But Dave’s not saying anything.

There’s a black hole there that makes a few disapproving noises at Labour but nothing of any substance comes out of it – so I guess it’s probably a white hole really which is supposed to eject stuff, but this one is obviously broken.

Where’s some ideas, for fuck’s sake?

How are Dave and George and all the rest of the chaps going to rescue our economy, clean up corruption in Parliament, give us back our basic freedoms and give this country some direction?

There must be lots of people like me – disillusioned Labour voters – so isn’t it about time they gave us some clue about what they’re going to do?

I’d hate to stop voting for one load of assholes and then just help to vote another load in…

Our politicians should be scared of us

Now that the initial euphoria regarding the McBride/Draper smear campaign seems to be evaporating, it’s perhaps time to look at the main protagonists, what state they’re in and what should happen next.

Well, Damian McBride has gone – not sacked but forced to resign. That’s a mistake right there and a good example of poor damage limitation on behalf of whoever is running things at No 10 – and you have to wonder about that. In business if I wanted to get a clear message across to the public – as well as my employees – that someone working for me had fucked up big time, then, whether my motivations were sincere or not, I’d sack them, tell them to clear their desk and not bother asking for another job with me. Obviously this wasn’t done and shows weakness.

Derek ‘Dolly’ Draper has gone ‘on holiday’ – I’d guess after booking with – and seems to be facing an uncertain future. He’s come out of this looking a right twat and I can’t see that the Nu Labour leadership or apparatchiks are going to want him back. It’s not as if he was ever anything but a liability and champagne socialists aren’t exactly good purveyors of PR in these difficult economic times.

I think it’s too early to speculate about anyone else who was directly involved in the smear campaign. Yes, emails seem to have been copied to various people but there’s a wall of denial and silence there. Perhaps Guido has something else up his sleeve? We’ll have to wait and see. It may be that Gordon Brown will yet seek to take punitive measures further up the food chain but now is not the time for action it would seem.

That brings us very nicely to Gordon Brown. He’s in a bit of a cleft stick in all of this – damned if he apologises and damned if he doesn’t. At the moment the official line is that duty has been done with the ‘firing’ of McBride and that as no-one else is responsible then no-one part from McBride needs to apologise. Health Secretary Alan Johnson has been wheeled out in an attempt to take some of the heat off Brown to state that

“Gordon Brown had nothing to do with this. You apologise for the things you are responsible for.”

I’m not sure this does Brown any favours at all. Not accepting direct responsibility makes you appear as if you exerted no control over your staff, whilst accepting responsibility makes you sound as if you were complicit in the smear campaign.

Those words will come back and haunt our PM for months to come.

So, that’s the cleft stick that Brown is in.

Johnson also says that he personally feels “some shame” over the smear tactics that McBride and Draper were going to use, which sounds unapologetic to say the least.

David Cameron has demanded an apology and provided the cleft stick that Brown is in and seems to be on a winner with the public watching fascinated as people in high places wriggle and writhe and just look more ineffectual and evasive as time goes by. He can afford to wait and savour this gift that fell into his lap.

The part of Paul Staines aka Guido in all of this cannot be undervalued or underplayed. Personally, whether he did it for pleasure or profit I don’t care. Whether he’s right-wing or left-wing, I don’t care. Whatever his politics or motivation he’s exposed a depth of corruption within the walls of No 10 that has little precedent and has no place in a fair and just political system that is part of a modern democracy. I hope he keeps digging and that all the ‘guilty’ are named and shamed.

As I’ve gone to some pains to make clear, this blog is neither right nor left-wing.

All I know is that, under Labour, this country has become a place where civil liberties, personal freedom and choice and respect for those who earn the money that this government recklessly spends and the politicians of all parties grab for themselves are being eroded rapidly, stealthily and cynically.

I’m also not so naive as to believe that this is just about the dangers of the Left. I believe that we should be cautious of the actions and words of all politicians of any party and that they should bear in mind that they are elected to serve us – not the other way round.

If any lesson is to be learned from all this is that unless we’re careful with how much power we allow our goverment to have, then any government will seek to seize more power and use it to control its people.

In short, I want our politicians to be scared of us.