In praise of champagne drinkers

This recent tweet…

Nice to see Cameron drinking champagne whilst cutting pay for nurses and teachers

…made me see red.

Or, rather, detect red.

It refers to this ‘story’, which features a photograph (see above) of Call me Dave sipping champagne at the Tory Conference yesterday, in flagrant defiance of Eric Pickles’ ban on the stuff.

I’m going to quote it in full, as it merits a fisking.

David Cameron quaffs £140-a-bottle bubbly

Was it, in fact, £140 a bottle champagne or cheap champagne, or maybe just some Cava? And so fucking what if it did cost £140 a bottle? It was supplied by the Spectator magazine, so it didn’t cost the taxpayer a penny.

with his rich chums

And journalists who seem to have a talent for sniffing out free booze…

just hours before the Tories announced a pay freeze for millions of ordinary workers.

What fucking pay freeze? The Mirror seems to have prematurely ejaculated its news spunk in a similar manner to the twitterer quoted above. These cuts are only proposals.

No cunt has cut anything yet – more’s the fucking pity…

Mr Cameron flouted a champagne ban imposed by his own party chairman

Pie Boy Pickles didn’t actually ban champagne. Yes, he wanted to deny the press the chance to come out with shit like the Mirror did today but it was more like advice: “Mr Pickles had declared that he wanted to see ‘less Champagne bubbles and more bubbling activity’.” (He) was keen to avoid accusations the Tories believe the election is in the bag: “It’s actually a humbling thing.”

When we caught him sipping fizz at an exclusive party, heavy-handed minders immediately moved in and tried to stop us leaving with the embarrassing snap.

Ah…the poor persecuted Press. Striking a blow for truth and justice. Are they fucking bollocks.

Union boss Dave Prentis said: “It is sickening. This is the real face of the Tories.

This is where my brain went into total fucking meltdown and nearly imploded. I blogged about a certain Derek Simpson a few months ago. Yes, the Unite leader who pisses away union funds on £400 a night hotel rooms. In light of this and other union boss excesses, there’s no way to put my response to Prentis other than, ‘fuck off, you putrid smear of hypocritical cockdribble.’

“Champagne for Cameron and his crew, as though the recession never happened, while millions face a thirsty future with frozen pay, job and pension cuts.”

That’s free champagne – always hard to refuse, especially when someone plonks a glass in your hand, as seems to be the case with Cameron – and a thirsty future no matter who gets into power next year. One glass of champagne more or less isn’t going to alter the fact that the economy is fucked.

This whole champagne metaphor really is getting a bit tired, isn’t it?

You can buy a bottle for about £15, which we occasionally do in a mixed case of 6 bottles from Majestic wine. We do this in preference to buying a multibuy of 60 bottles of Stella for £20 from Tesco.

So, I sometimes choose to drink champagne rather than Stella (not that I drink that horrible fizzy piss anyway).

Does that make me a ‘toff’?

Do I sound like a fucking toff?

Fuck…sometimes we go mad and buy a bottle of something better like Veuve Clicquot for £30.

So fucking what? It’s my money and I’m not spending taxpayer-funded benefit on it.

Has it really come to this? Are we really getting back to the cliche of the top-hatted Toff quaffing champers versus the flat-capped worker swigging his pint of best bitter?

Times have changed since that scenario – if it ever existed outside the media – and people conveniently forget that wealth, privilege and dynastic entitlement are no longer restricted to one sector of society.

If proof were needed then I only really need one word:


Wealth? – it’ll cost you £180 to get a photo opp with Tony. Goes some way to shoring up a vast personal fortune that is sometimes dubiously amassed. And at least Cameron made his money before his likely Premiership.

Privilege? – there are still questions to be asked about that mortgage.

Dynastic entitlement? – how long until we get a young Leo Blair parachuted in to a safe Labour seat?10 years?

What Blair and NuLabour have created is a political class just as corrupt, devious and decadent as any upper class stereotype hauled out to reinforce the prejudices of the ignorant and easily-swayed.

It says much about the desperation levels of the left wing media that once more they have to resort to such shoddy tactics and it reveals a contempt for the electorate that borders on the cynical.

It’s not the champagne drinkers we need to worry about – it’s the cuntjobs who don’t want us to drink it that pose the biggest threat to our society.


To be honest, you’re better off with something like a Cremant – Jura, Alsace or Bourgogne – than cheap champagne. It’s cheaper and often far better. Don’t underestimate Prosecco, either. A decent one, well chilled, is a cheap but worthy substitute.

The usual Daily Mail dogwank

OK…back to some Old Skool Daily Mail bashing.

So, if you have a swear filter, plug the fucker in NOW because some shit’s about to fly.

If you haven’t got a swear filter and don’t like bad language, please fuck all the way off.

If you haven’t got a swear filter and you’re a Daily Mail reader then please fuck all the way off after having rolled your shitty reading matter up into a stout cylinder and stuck it up your arse.

If you don’t give a fuck about swearing then welcome…

I’ve been very restrained on the swearing front lately and I’m going to grab this cunt of an opportunity with both fucking hands and really enjoy the motherfucker.



Here’s the headline:

Muslims refuse to use alcohol-based hand gels over religious beliefs

Here’s the story.

Here’s the first line of that story:

Some Muslims have refused to use alcohol-based hand gels to combat the spread of swine flu because they claim it is against their religion.

See what the Daily Fucking Mail’s doing?

Your attention is grabbed by the headline and then after you’ve assumed that all Muslims are going to stop using hand gel – thus allowing Swine Flu to kill everyone in the whole wide fucking world – it qualifies the initial statement with ‘some’.

A real cuntish trick.

However, how many is ‘some’?

Some of those employed by St Albans Council in Hertfordshire have complained about the antibacterial lotion, which is considered a key strategy in containing the virus.

Officials were concerned because the Koran bans Muslims from consuming alcohol, so council chiefs issued them with non-alcohol hand gels, which studies have shown to be less effective in killing bugs.

Ah, some of those employed by one town in one county.


…Muslim leaders criticised the council’s decision to change the gel, pointing out that Islamic teachings allow Muslims to use alcohol for medicinal purposes.

The Muslim Council of Britain said: ‘We would advise people to follow the medical advice so we would, of course, encourage people to use hand gel. ‘People need to find ways to accommodate their beliefs.’

So, that’s some Muslim employees from one town in one county acting against the teachings of their own religious leaders.

Out of the 8 comments so far made (yes, only 8 because it’s not about people in gay marriages adopting children or plummeting house prices) on the article by readers (and I use that term very loosely) there’s the usual frothing:

All those who are unwilling to adhere to set guidlines should be sacked. Yes, we all have the right to practice our chosen religion in UK, a privalidge not afforded in all countries. But this does not equate to increasing the risk of infection to others solely on the basis of your chosen religion.

Why are muslim advisors invoved? This is a matter of public health, infections do not discriminate.

– diane, london, 26/7/2009 00:41

Stop wasting our tax money on coming up with expensive alternatives to anyone who refuses to abide by the rules on “religious or any other non ridiculous grounds.” There are troops out there dying because of lack of funds and equipment. Please – somebody rescue us from this clueless party – Labour.

– Emily Moran, Wokingham, UK, 26/7/2009 01:21

Thank you Emily and Diane – now fuck off and screw yourself with your precious fucking newspaper.

However there’s also a bit of reason evident for a change:

‘But Muslim leaders criticised the council’s decision to change the gel, pointing out that Islamic teachings allow Muslims to use alcohol for medicinal purposes.’

So what’s the fuss ?

– Jay, Liverpool, uk, 25/7/2009 23:42

I’m guessing Jay found his usual paper had sold out and he had to make do with the paper read by fuckheads.

So, there you go…

More cuntishness by the paper that never fails to surpass itself in cuntishness.

A nice bit of alarm-rasing for those easily swayed.


Hordes of pig-ignorant pillocks with dogwank for brains are going to read that headline and then accuse every Muslim in the country of putting the entire nation’s health at risk.

Well done, chaps.

I bet Paul Dacre’s really proud of you.


A big ask…I ask you…

Where the motherfucking cunting fuck did the horrible expression – ‘a big ask’ – come from?

From the Australian soap ‘Home and Away’ apparently .

A perfectly good verb has now become a noun, when perfectly good nouns like ‘request’, demand’ or ‘favour’ still function perfectly well.

OK, it’s one syllable instead of two, but isn’t the extra effort worth it when it comes to defending our language against mediocrity and debasement?

I see ‘Friends of the Earth’ have a site called – perhaps they ought to think about saving our language before they save the planet.

Ignore anyone who uses this expression – they’re obviously a cunt.

If you’re reading this and you use it – fuck off.

You’re obviously a cunt too…

Privacy is meaningless under ZanuLabour

My daughter’s just out of 6 hours in surgery to remove a stagshorn kidney stone after months of NHS vacillation and incompetency.

I’m down as her next of kin but all they’ll tell me over the phone is that she’s out of surgery and OK.

Well, thanks you bastard fuckers – and the motherfucking cunts who have instituted this culture of lop-sided privacy.

How come it’s OK to spy on us with CCTV cameras, read our emails, listen to us on the phone and generally snoop on us but when it comes to telling a father about his daughter’s medical condition then it’s ‘confidential’ all of a sudden?

Fucking arseholing shiteating cunts.

When blogs go too far…

I enjoy writing this blog.

I’ve done some freelance stuff for magazines and although it was great to get paid, I also enjoyed the whole process from research through to publication. Blogging to me is really no different – it just doesn’t pay.

I find the process of blogging helps me to focus on my own views on a variety of subjects – politics in particular. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’ll be a floating voter come the next General Election and I’d like to be able to make my mind up who gets my vote before I stand in a booth with a little black crayon in my hand.

The interactive nature of blogging is a big attraction too – I like the fact that people can comment on what I write and I can comment back and it’s all pretty rapid in nature.

I’m also appreciative of the fact that I can say more or less what I want and not have to pull any punches. I know that might mean that I sometimes express myself in ways some people might find offensive but that’s the way I’ve chosen to express myself.

I’d guess that very, very few bloggers don’t read other blogs. The blogosphere would probably resemble a DNA molecule if you could devise some sort of diagram of it. The proverb ‘birds of a feather flock together’ is just as true in blogging as it is in ‘real life’, although it’s sometimes not always the case.

As a blog reader I tend to find very little that upsets me – if I don’t like what I read I just go elsewhere.

However, what I do find hard to stomach is some of the very personal and spiteful remarks I read on what purport to be serious blogs.

Abuse is one thing – I’ve called people ‘greedy cunts’ on here, meant what I said and stand by such comments.

So, let’s look at abuse – how far it goes and how far it should go before it becomes counter-productive.

Geoff Hoon – claiming for three homes, transferred some property to his wife so she could be paid rent by him and denied originally owning that property.

My opinion of Hoon – a greedy, lying cunt.

Greedy – because he’s milking the system of MPs’ allowances for every last taxpayer penny.

Lying  – because he denied owning some property when he did own it.

Cunt – because what he’s done is what makes a cunt a cunt. I’m using the Australian definition here – ‘a despicable man’.

I think that’s fair comment – not to everyone’s tastes, maybe, but justifiable on many people’s terms.

If I then went on to say, ‘Hoon is a lanky bastard with a stupid-looking expression on his ugly face all the time’, that’s starting to venture into the personal. I can think of plenty of people like that who aren’t cunts in any way and, in my view, such remarks add nothing to a discussion or opinion apart from maybe relieving the tension of the person who made them.

To take it a stage further – and this is where I tend to recoil slightly when I read certain blogs and the comments on them – I could say, ‘Hoon is a greedy, lying, lanky, bastard cunt with a stupid-looking expression on his ugly face all the time and I’d like to get some piano wire, string him up from the nearest lamp post and stick redhot needles in his scrotum’ then I think that’s going a bit too far.

It introduces a vindictiveness that reduces a reasoned, admittedly abusive, comment to a level that demeans the commentator and debases the main points of his opinion.

I’m assuming, of course, that such malicious intentions aren’t meant to be taken seriously and that the writer is just venting but I’ve seen an awful lot of it recently concerning the recent McBride/Draper Smeargate business.

Yes, these people and those they acted for and even those who denied all knowledge of it behaved like cunts – I hope the cunts get everything that’s coming to them – they’re despicable people who have probably fucked up any chances of Labour getting in at the next General Election – Labour have fucked up the present and future prosperity of this country – our civil liberties have been crippled by their policies – there has to be a better way – they’re all greedy fucking pigs with their snouts in a seemingly bottomless trough of taxpayers’ money – etc – etc – etc.

I’m not arguing here about any of this.

But what I really don’t like is the sheer bile that’s spewing out all over the Blogosphere. It’s not going to achieve anything and it just makes the person who spews it look hysterical.

Yes, I can do what I suggest to people who don’t like something and I can just ignore it and go elsewhere, but then I ignore the venting blogger’s opinions which is not, I suspect, what the  blogger ultimately intends.

In short – Brown, Smith, Hoon, Darling, etc, et-fucking-cetera are all a shower of cunts who should be out on their ears before next year is through. They’re devious, conniving, greedy, power-mad fuckers who aren’t fit to shovel shit, but if they’re gone, that’ll do me.

That’s what matters – not some masochistic wet-dream rant involving a level of physical torture that makes the Spanish Inquisition look like a Buck House garden party…

Stupid cults

Once again the Mail tries to keep pace with this blog by running another Leila Deen story.

Once again the Mail and its readers seem to embrace the type of person they’d normally run a fucking mile from – especially if Ms Deen parked her middle-class arse in front of any plane that was due to take them on their holiday.

However, the paper that normally leaves the typos up to the Grauniad has made a major cock up by describing Ms Deen as  ‘a cult hero’…

And who’s this Liz Jones hack?

And why does she think that throwing green custard at Mandelson is clever?

Does she want to be ‘a cult hero’ too?

So many questions…so many cunts…

Ignorant parents

Just when you thought you’d come across most aspects and examples of ignorance something like this comes along…

Essentially, there seems to be a rather loose campaign amongst some parents to get a one-armed TV presenter off our screens because they claim she’s scaring their children.

I can only assume by such intolerant, pathetic and offensive attitudes on display that we’re dealing with cunts here.

Yes, cunts.

No other term will do, although if there was anything stronger I’d use it in this case.

I used to teach a kid who had no arms and had his hands growing out of his shoulders.

It was a very rough school, but none of the other kids turned a hair and no parent ever complained that he was scaring their children.

I’m all for children growing up to accept that other people are different in many ways – different appearances, attitudes, abilities, etc – and that only seems achievable if they’re exposed to such differences gradually as they encounter them.

I’m not saying that an agenda should be set to give them these experiences or that it should all be dispensed within a PC framework, just that we shouldn’t shelter our children from these differences.

One father said he would ban his daughter from watching the channel because he thought it would “give her nightmares”.

How stupid is that?

From age zero we expose our children to all manner of nightmare-inducing concepts.

Three Blind Mice?

Rodent maiming knife crime.

Little Red Riding Hood?

Wolf devours senior citizen then has amateur vivisection performed on it.

Not to mention the many dragons, witches, monsters and other characters from stories and songs that have entertained children for centuries…

So, once in a while children might get exposed to a bit of reality for a change.

It’s called life.

Some won’t see any difference in what’s real to fiction, some won’t notice it anyway, some will ask questions – and then it’s up to parents to give straight answers where possible and in a manner sensitive to both the child and the subject – and some may be scared, but then it’s down to the parents again, this time to allay those fears.

It’s all part of the ‘contract’ you ‘sign’ when you have a child and if you try and avoid having to deal with the difficult aspects of parenthood like explaining what they may find difficult to understand then you’ve really fucked up.

In fact, you’ve shown yourself to be emotionally and intellectually disabled and your child will probably grow up to be the same.

If you’re one of these complaining parents and you’re reading this:

Fuck you.