I’m a financial idiot – help me out here! Please!

I really don’t get it.

Two days ago we had a budget that will do nothing for this country.

Then, today, we hear that over the first three months of this year, the economy shrank by 1.9% – the biggest  three month decline since 1979.

However, the FTSE had a pretty good day today – up 3.43% and keeping gains that it made during the day which it normally doesn’t seem to do  – and the £ held up pretty well against the $ and the €, finshing about the same as it started today.

Why hasn’t every indicator that we’re in the shit fallen through the floor?

What’s going on?

Jeremy Vine, stupid Brits and scrapped cars

It was nice of Alistair Darling to give the non-UK car manufacturers a boost in his budget yesterday:

Owners of old bangers who want to buy a new car can trade in their vehicle which is more than 10 years old for a £2,000 discount on the shiny new one.

I’m sure that he’ll be able to get a nice directorship at Fiat or Renault out of all this when he’s unemployed next year…

Earlier today, I was driving from the school where I work on Thursday to pick up some Euros (I got 1.08 to the £, which is about as good as it gets these days and is actually a pretty good rate) for our forthcoming French break.

On the radio was Jeremy Vine – the man with the most irritating cunting voice since Mystic fucking Meg – and he had a phone-in about the budget.

Now, I don’t have too much faith in the intellectual ability of your average Brit – alcopops, ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ and Lotto scratch cards are proof enough for me – but one caller in particular struck me as displaying a certain bovine quality that plumbed new depths.

The caller was complaining that the car scrapping scheme didn’t include cars 7 years old and she’d had to spend a couple of grand getting her Ford Ka (ouch!) fixed due to the central locking going tits up and also being involved in a collision ( if you can’t afford heavy repair bills then fully comp is an excellent wheeze).

Even Jeremy Vine was speechless – and it’s his job to say something – and just muttered something about it only being applicable to cars over 10 years old.

Where the fuck are people at?

I mean, it’s a shit way of boosting the economy, but it’s for that purpose, not just Uncle Ali giving us a couple of grand for a shiny new motor.

Not good enough for the British public?

In which case, why not just throw money at people whenever they want it and for any reason?

Oh.

We do?

In that case, can I have £2000 towards a new car, please?

I mean, for fuck’s sake, mine’s nearly five years old and I recently spent £30 on new carpets for it!

The UK economy – broken, kaput, fucked and royally screwed by Labour

On a personal level, the Budget yesterday did me no favours at all – tobacco, alcohol and petrol will cost me more, I don’t claim any sort of tax credits, I’m too young to qualify for any winter fuel allowance, etc, etc.

On a national level it failed too.

Oh, it tried to appeal to a certain demographic with the tax rate hike to 50% for those earning over £150K a year, but that will net very little more than bugger all in revenue and scare away some people we could do with in the UK to get us through this unholy mess.

It was a low rent budget by a low rent Chancellor on behalf of a low rent government.

What there is little doubt about is that this country is effectively fucked for about the next decade – higher taxes and reduced public spending are inevitable.

Fuck – we can’t even be sure that, as a nation, we’ll be able to keep our current AAA credit rating.

Meanwhile, crime figures are higher, our schools examination system is in crisis, our MPs continue to jostle at the overflowing troughs of taxpayers’ money, our anti-terrorist squads continue to harass innocent people and now some cock end is planning to stage a musical about the life of Jade Goody.

Sometimes I think that you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried.

Why bother voting? It’s all going Green anyway.

(The best photo I could come up with)

I don’t want a ‘green’ budget – but Shadow Chancellor George Osborne thinks we should have one.

This, of course, has given rise to the usual retaliatory posturing from Labour – Pick me, sir. I’m greener than he is!’ This time in the form of the predictable blatherings of arch-cunt Geoff ‘I’m a fucking greedy liar, I am’ Hoon.

There’s gold in them thar green issues – carbon offsets to be bought, lovely remunerative quangos and fake charities to keep the bucks rolling in for the favoured people, lots of doubtfully ‘green’ products churned out for people to feel good about being conned into buying.

Not to mention the extra laws, rules and regulations that governments – of any political hue – can heap on an already over-controlled public.

You might vote red or blue – even yellow – at the next election but the future looks set, sure as shit, to be green.