“Britain’s Got Troughers”


Channel 4?

Could you put me through to the commissioning editor, please?

Ah, hello.

Who are you speaking to?


Just call me a man with a plan…

I have a great idea for a new reality TV show.

Yes, I know that Big Brother’s going to be back soon, but this can’t fail!

I know you’re busy, but please hear me out.


You get a large area – about an acre or so, so an existing football stadium would do just fine – and construct a large round cage that can be locked. It’s got razor wire woven through the steel bars so no-one can get out. Then you get 645 MPs…

Yes, MPs.

Why 645? You’ll see later if you like the idea.

Now where was I?


You herd them all into the cage and then you lock the gates.

You get £250 000 in used fivers and then you pour the whole lot in through the top of the cage and watch them fight it out. The last one standing gets the £250K.

Well, what do you think?


How much to use the idea?

Ooh…a hundred K?

You thought I was going to ask for more?


Contract? No need, just send me the money in a large brown envelope marked ‘Wee Georgie Broon’ and just stick it behind the pipes of the second wash basin along in the gents’ at Kings Cross Station. I’ll email you the date and time later.

Yes, I know, Can’t lose can it?