B&D, baggy trousers, bad behaviour, Keef and assault with a deadly Telecaster

Drat those pesky Boatang and Demetriou kids!

JD in ‘investigative mode’

They have the market in big-bollocked blogging cornered so well that they now have to go round wearing voluminous trousers!

Please B&D, don’t hurt ’em!

Not only that, but the testicularly over-endowed pair are psychic, too!

MrB: ‘Look into my eyes, you cunt.’

There I am reading some entertainment news when I’m struck by how wimpish and wholesome rock music is getting and then I read this…

The prescient bastards!

Oh well, I’m going to blog about it anyway…

I was reading about how Elbow frontman Guy Garvey had spent his Mercury Music Awards  prize money on some state-of-the-art bincoculars so that he could better pursue his hobby of birdwatching.

Old news maybe – but new to me.

Now, having suckled on the teat of rock through the late 60s onwards I was struck by how rare it is to hear of rock star bad behaviour nowadays.

No-one drives Rollers into swimming pools, throws TVs out of hotel bedroom windows or employs fish for ‘recreational’ purposes any more it seems and even if they still do, the Press seems to prefer writing stories about losers like Amy Winehouse or Pete Docherty sticking chemicals up their noses.

Druggies are boring – unless they do interesting things – and the two I’ve mentioned above just seem to take drugs and indulge in ASBOesque behaviour.

Meh…

And although fighting still goes on in bands, the great days of a band member getting twatted with a cymbal and then needing hospitalisation – as in the Kinks – and other notable masters of the band ruck, such as the Stones and the Who, seem to be over.

A bit hard to throw a well-aimed but coke-fuelled punch when you’re ‘brown bread’ admittedly, as in the case of some members of the Who, but where’s the motherfucking spirit gone, eh?

Go on, Corpse Boy! Hit him!

No, as B&D point out, you have to look back through the anals (sic) of history to find rock’s real bad boys.

I still think this chap takes some beating:

Yes, it’s Keef – Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones.

Once dubbed ‘the World’s Most Elegantly-Wasted Human Being’, he’s defied everything to survive to play today.

What he hasn’t ingested in the name of getting totally fucking ripped off his tits isn’t worth mentioning…

It’s alleged that he once took a contract out on the people who stole some of his guitars – although he’s been known to pack a gun himself…

He’s destroyed countless hotel bedrooms and their contents…

He’s had a fistfight with Chuck Berry – who used to be a bit handy himself…

He’s managed to stay out of gaol many times for various offences involving gun possession and drugs…

He’s packed more into his life than most fucking countries do in a whole cunting century…

This guy should not be alive.

But he fucking is!

Someone – I think it was Bill Hicks – once said that if we ever have total global nuclear Armageddon then the only animal life left alive to enjoy the aftermath will be cockroaches and Keef.

OK, so some people think he’s a bit of a dinosaur and a joke and maybe a tad past his sell-by date.

So fucking what?

He’s had cracking on for 50 years making a fortune out of what he loves to do, travelled the world several times over, taken all manner of drugs and enjoyed the experience and survived, made the acquaintance of some of the finest minds of the 20th and 21st centuries and is still alive and making music.

When you ask people who Keef is, most people will tell you he’s ‘the guitarist in the Rolling Stones’ and that’s it.

Well, there’s a bit more to the guy than that.

He’s co-composer with Mick Jagger of many of the finest rock and pop songs ever written and he’s also a very fine singer and guitarist.

Admittedly he’s a bit ragged live onstage in both those departments but I have a few ‘unofficial’ recordings that reveal he has a fine voice – especially suited to ‘alt.country’ type material – and exceptional skill and flair as a guitarist – particularly when it comes to the blues.

He’s one of the very few players to really nail the seminal and virtuoso style of Robert Johnson and although it’s not easy to find examples of Keef playing in this style this exists:

As a guitarist myself I can categorically state that playing this shit is not at all easy.

The lick at about 19 seconds in is sheer perfection.

Keef can also use a guitar – as you can see, a Tele does very nicely for this – to clear the stage of unwanted cunts:

Rock stars today?

Bunch of precious, pantywaist, poncey, prancing prats.

Give us some real fucking rock heroes!

Some blogging bollocks

Although Al Jahom’s excellent and very eclectic blog has been in my blogroll for a while, I’ve never actually given it the official bigging up that it deserves.

So, here goes – and cash is never refused, AJ…

Al Jahom’s blog has a great deal to recommend it: topical comment, great music, humour, pointy squirty cars, foul language and it always adopts a viewpoint that’s guaranteed to get you thinking.

Bookmark the bastard – now – or even do something geeky with that fucking RSS whosit that I always ignore.

Those gods of the blogosphere, the ever excellent Boatang and Demetriou, have been blogging like muthafuckas lately.

Messrs B&D never disappoint and this latest article on the LPUK is essential reading for anyone interested in UK Libertarianism and its future after the recent by-election in Norwich North.

I hate to compliment the twin godhead of B&D any further, but they’ve recently highlighted an interesting point that will have significant implications for the future of blogging and political internet comment in general, and they seem to have beaten several people to the idea since I’ve seen several bloggers cover this after B&D.

A recent article of theirs queries the position of bloggers like Guido and Iain Dale after the next election when David ‘Bullingdon’ Cameron and his band of bastards Merry Men will sweep to victory – and sweep to victory they will; I’m 100% positive.

At the moment, Guido appears to hold a sort of centrist anti-establishment position although – inevitably with Labour in power as it makes better reading – he seems more critical of the Left. He claims to be impartial, but some Libertarian bloggers have their doubts and suggest he might lean further to the right with a Tory victory. Dale is obviously going to keep his Tory stance and it will be interesting to see if he finds Tory activity as equally blog-worthy as he does at present regarding Labour’s fumblings.

You see, it’s all a matter of your political stance – if you blog from a position of diametrically contrary opposition then when your party gets in what are you going to do then?

Bash the opposition? That’s a bit easy and rather lame.

Shower praise on your party? Boring and boorish – and one thing Guido and Dale don’t want to do is lose any of their page views which is what will happen if they both go for a Tory cluster wank…

If Guido and Dale do lose their oppositional motivation then they’re going to be Tory mouthpieces and hence part of the MSM, which blogging was never intended to be.

It may be that it’s a natural evoloutionary step for blogging to go mainstream, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Rest assured that the better bloggers – two of whom are mentioned at the top of this piece – aren’t going to sell their souls to the MSM and water down their opinions, and neither am I.

As I blogged previously, a cunt is a cunt no matter who they are or what they believe.

Stick around to see them outed.

It’s our mission from Jeebus…

Great rant!

Excellent article here from the new Boatang and Demetriou site blog thingy.

I’ve long been convinced that our schools are valued more by parents for their provision of ‘free’ childcare rather than for their educational merits and that the Groves of  Academe are becoming increasingly joyless.

Well done, John, you’ve hit that nail right on the head!