When Greggs runs the economy

Today’s special offer – 2 cuntish ideas for the price of one!

Carrying on from last night’s entry – uploaded via my iPhone whilst luxuriating in black satin sheets and fed grapes and Ovaltine by voluptuous serving wenches – a few thoughts on who might have some effective solutions to many of our current problems.

Taking the ‘alcohol problem’, which seems to be rapidly becoming a fucking obsession with the BMA and other government bum monkeys, it struck me that no-one apart from Libertarian bloggers seems to see this manufactured social ‘blight’ for what it really is – an excuse to not just simply further erode our personal freedoms, but to start beating the living shit out of them to ensure a speedy demise.

I refer readers to some excellent blog entries over at Devil’s Kitchen and Dick Puddlecote that deal with this matter – both coming from a Libertarian point of view.

If you want to know what Tory and Labour bloggers think, then tough shit – no-one seems too concerned.

So, why should we really give a flying fuck about them?

Turning to another matter which never seems to leave the headlines – the perilous and extremely shitty state of the global economy – both the Tories and Labour announced ‘proposals’ yesterday.

(I have no idea what the LibDems had to say – nothing apparently. They’re probably still trying to find the toilets at Westminster.)

Call me Dave set out his car boot sale stall with some frankly very resistable items.

David Cameron has pledged to end MPs’ subsidised alcohol and food and reduce ministerial salaries if the Tories win power at the next election.

He also said the number of MPs and ministerial cars would be cut.

The Tory leader said it would amount to only a “pinprick” in overall savings needed – but politicians had to take a lead in bearing the “burden” of debt.

He also said government spending should be cut immediately, calling Labour’s plans for next year “unaffordable”.

What a tease, eh?

He had some really cheap stuff laid out but kept back the really good gear.

Why, one might almost have to wonder whether he had any other suggestions beyond the ‘pinprick’ he detailed.

Although there was this, just casually dropped into the speech.

government spending should be cut immediately

Where?

How?

And, Dave, you cockbiscuit, cutting the number of MPs by 10% isn’t enough.

50% and you might be onto something.

Incidentally, did anyone else notice that our Dave’s starting to add a few more glottal stops and ‘gonnas’ into his speeches?

He seems to have gone all Eastenders on us…

Meanwhile, in his new show at the Cardiff Fringe Festival, Alistair ‘How the fuck have I been able to keep this kushy overpaid job when I’m such a useless streak of twatbatter?’ Darling seemed to think that we could economise our way out of the shit though efficiency savings and shifting resources around like chairs in a secondhand shop.

“What I want to see is a serious debate in this country as to where we need to spend our money, where we need to set our priorities which will define us, as a country, which will provide will provide people with jobs and opportunities for the next five or 10 years.

“That is a very important discussion to have. There will come a time when you have to spell out ‘well, this is what we’re doing, this is what we’re not doing’.

I could have cut and pasted more, but it doesn’t actually mean a fucking thing – any of it.

And, I don’t know about you, but after about two sentences from the cunt, I get to the stage where my eyes glaze over and I lose the will to live.

Or I become enraged and then seized with a burning desire to shove a red-hot spoon up my rectum.

Because, if someone’s going to cause me that much grief, I want that person to be me.

(The LibDems?…oh, them?…still looking for the Commons shithouse…)

When you reduce the current financial crisis to its effect on people going about their day to day business, thinking about things like how much money they’re left with after tax, how much of the sum remaining is going to get taken away in further taxes and what all that tax is spent on, then no-one from the major parties seems to be offering much hope.

Which is where Libertarianism comes in.

Yes, I acknowledge that within the movement there’s a very wide range of approaches to sorting out government and personal finance, but surely, when the usual suspects seem to be offering nothing that is in anyway new or radical, a different approach is at least worth exploring?

The Libertarian Party (LPUK) manifesto’s first point on the Economy is this:

Personal Income Tax to be abolished in second financial year of a Libertarian government.

If you follow the link in the quote, it explains the proposal further and details a way out of the demoralising and stifling cluster fuck of continual tax hikes and increasing welfare dependency.

Isn’t that worth at least considering?

Or do we want the same old tired ideas trotted out as we sink deeper and deeper into personal and national debt?

Perhaps if we avoided the poverty of ideas that were set out yesterday, like so many unappetising half-baked sausage rolls in a Greggs window display, then perhaps we could avoid poverty itself.

Darling – the beginning of the end

A much younger Darling after a Grecian 2000 disaster

It looks as if we’ll have a new bloke at No 11 Downing Street fairly soon.

Not even waiting a few days to give Darling a push, Gordon Brown already has him on the edge of the precipice , saying his final prayers and nudging him ever so gently but ever so gradually over towards oblivion:

Mr Brown declined to confirm that Mr Darling would still be in his current job in the next ten days and side-stepped a question about having full confidence in the Chancellor.

Although it was widely rumoured that Brown had Balls lined up to take over from Darling in a cabinet reshuffle at the end of this week, the news that Darling’s expenses are even more Byzantine than we thought they were has made the PM’s job a little easier and he can look as if he’s ‘punishing’  the soon to be ex-Chancellor now.

So, Friday should see Balls esconced in No 11 and Darling relegated to the backbenches.

It’s nothing to be pleased about, though.

Balls won no friends the last time he worked from No 11 in a past post under one G. Brown and his woeful tenure as Education Secretary during which he has presided over one disaster after another – and not been brought to book over his ineptitudes – doesn’t amount to a track record that will inspire confidence in him from anybody.

All that can be said is that Brown now has his mate Balls well-placed as a key ally in his struggle to make Labour electable at the next General Election.

Not that it’s going to all go to ratshit for Labour then.

It’s already gone to ‘Ratshit? That’s kiddy stuff!’ on the Ratshitometer and all we can hope is that Brown and Balls don’t fuck our economy up any further than it’s fucked up already.

Don’t – as they say – hold your breath…

One last point, I wonder if Darling feels betrayed enough to attack Brown?

Things could get rather interesting if he suddenly acquired a taste for some acts of revenge.

UPDATE:

Brown has stated that Darling’s claims will have to be ‘investigated’.

I wonder, could Darling soon be the Howe to Brown’s Thatcher?

Go on, Ali – deck the bugger!

PS – I’ve just thought that if Brown has to announce another desperate reshuffle before the next Election and appoints a new Chancellor then I can title the blog entry ‘Brown drops Balls!’

Well, it amuses me…

Jeremy Vine, stupid Brits and scrapped cars

It was nice of Alistair Darling to give the non-UK car manufacturers a boost in his budget yesterday:

Owners of old bangers who want to buy a new car can trade in their vehicle which is more than 10 years old for a £2,000 discount on the shiny new one.

I’m sure that he’ll be able to get a nice directorship at Fiat or Renault out of all this when he’s unemployed next year…

Earlier today, I was driving from the school where I work on Thursday to pick up some Euros (I got 1.08 to the £, which is about as good as it gets these days and is actually a pretty good rate) for our forthcoming French break.

On the radio was Jeremy Vine – the man with the most irritating cunting voice since Mystic fucking Meg – and he had a phone-in about the budget.

Now, I don’t have too much faith in the intellectual ability of your average Brit – alcopops, ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ and Lotto scratch cards are proof enough for me – but one caller in particular struck me as displaying a certain bovine quality that plumbed new depths.

The caller was complaining that the car scrapping scheme didn’t include cars 7 years old and she’d had to spend a couple of grand getting her Ford Ka (ouch!) fixed due to the central locking going tits up and also being involved in a collision ( if you can’t afford heavy repair bills then fully comp is an excellent wheeze).

Even Jeremy Vine was speechless – and it’s his job to say something – and just muttered something about it only being applicable to cars over 10 years old.

Where the fuck are people at?

I mean, it’s a shit way of boosting the economy, but it’s for that purpose, not just Uncle Ali giving us a couple of grand for a shiny new motor.

Not good enough for the British public?

In which case, why not just throw money at people whenever they want it and for any reason?

Oh.

We do?

In that case, can I have £2000 towards a new car, please?

I mean, for fuck’s sake, mine’s nearly five years old and I recently spent £30 on new carpets for it!

Another thieving MP!

And who’s the next thieving cuntjob MP stepping into the limelight?

It’s…

Alistair Darling!

Alistair Darling has claimed thousands of pounds in expenses on his family home despite owning a London flat which he rents out – and living in a grace-and-favour apartment in Downing Street.

The Chancellor – the man in charge of the nation’s finances – has repeatedly changed the designation of his ‘main home’ over recent years, the Daily Mail has learned.

The switches enabled him to charge the taxpayer thousands of pounds towards both his £1.2million Edinburgh townhouse and a new London apartment.

In addition, he has been pocketing cash from rent.

What a shame he hasn’t been as savvy about the British economy…