A kick in the bollocks always offends

Al Jahom’s truly excellent post here started me thinking about gender eekwality and a pet peeve of mine.

My guess is that if you’re a man then the picture above might make you wince a little. It might make you clamp your thighs together too. If you’re really sensitive – perhaps you recently had a foot or something else hard like a baseball bat or a lump hammer interfaced with your nutsack – then you might even grab your man fruit, although I’d just advise you to be careful who you do this in front of as you may appear to them to be some sort of exhibitionist pervert – or a really shit Michael Jackson impersonator at best…

If you’re a woman looking at that picture then you might well chuckle. In my experience, many women seem to think that it’s amusing although I can assure you that getting hit in your meat and two veg is a painful experience. Of course, men will laugh too, but it’s in a rueful or nervous way more often than not.

I’ve engaged in extensive research – well, had a chat with Mrs Shark, truth be told – and I’m informed that although a blow to what we British call the ‘fanny’ area is painful, it’s not quite as bad as a bollock blow. In fact, a good whack on the breasts is apparently sometimes more debilitating.

Being a bloke I obviously have no direct experience of getting hit in the lady garden or norks but as a sentient being with pain receptors I know for a fucking fact that getting hit anywhere hard is painful, so I avoid hitting people and getting hit myself whenever possible – I’m that sort of soft new-age cunt I guess. I don’t have to have lady equipment to know that getting hit in it will hurt.

But why is ballsack twattage amusing to women?

There’s been a TV advertĀ  that has actually shown scrotum/hard object collision. It’s a distant memory now, but if I recall correctly it involved a chap helping a lady out, getting hit in the balls and then her finding it amusing.

Certain types of slapstick humour can involve scrotal sac damage and can be relied on to raise a titter or two when shown on TV and in the cinema.

But why is male genitalia cloutage such a fertile (sic) topic for humour?

I don’t really understand it.

I like humour – Lewis Black, George Carlin and Bill Hicks are my comedy gods – but I just don’t find bawsack damage amusing at all.

Not in the slightest.

Sorry.

Over to you…

6 Responses

  1. “But why is ballsack twattage amusing to women?”

    Oh, not just women. Homer Simpson seemed to find it pretty amusing too…

  2. From the country that brought us the game show “Endurance”… Steve, do not watch

  3. I think it was Jason Manford that proved it was more painful than childbirth…

    …there’s no way that *any* sane man would say to his wife six months later, “Let’s do it again.”

    Ross (who, incidentally, will be feeling similar pain this week after a swift trip to the vets tomorrow…)

  4. Just talking or thinking about it causes me tangible physical pain in that area.

    it truly is a matter not to be sniffed at. Particularly for any dogs nearby.

  5. Saw this today Steve, and thought I’d share considering you had been talking about just such a subject.

    Get ready to wince.

  6. Dick, that is SO yesterday!

    We used to do it at school – Grammar school so I was about 11 or 12 which would place this in 1962/63 or so.

    We called it ‘knackering’ as in ‘You bastard – you knackered me!”

    I can’t remember anyone ever getting kicked – it was usually a fairly light backhander across the old scrotum.

    The comments in that article you linked to made me chuckle. Good to see that the US has its share of humourless knob ends.

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