Another day on Airstrip One…

Or

Cuts, bans, legislation, taxes, guitars and football.

This blog entry’s a bit of a pot-pourri but a lot has happened – albeit in a very random way.

I’ve had a day being gently buffeted like a falling autumnal leaf* by the wind of news – so, a touch of the streams of (semi)consciousnesses…

Jeremy Vine drops one

I was driving home early from work – a series of fortunate circumstances had enabled me to leave at midday and still be able to bill for the afternoon – and Jeremy Vine was on the radio.

I can’t stand the blokes’s voice. He sounds like Mystic Meg with a cock and balls with the way he stretches his words out. He also tries to sound sincere but just comes over sounding like a total cunt trumpet.

Anyway, he was waffling on about what was in the news and said that Gordon Brown planned to ‘drop one Trident missile’.

As you can imagine, my ears pricked up at this and I was thinking what the likely target might be.

The Afghan poppy fields?

The LibDem Conference?

Neither of these, however – Vine corrected himself and moved on – Brown wasn’t actually going to drop a missile.

Ha ha.

(Could he do any more fucking damage if he did?)

Just a shame that Vine didn’t correct himself properly – Brown’s going to drop a whole fucking Trident submarine. One of four that we have.

We have a spare one apparently – presumably in case things get really bad here and then Brown can escape to Brazil.

He hasn’t thought this through very well, has he?

James Brown Lady Scotland (Take it to the bridge! – Ed)

Where do you start with this story?

Lady Scotland is to keep her job as attorney general despite likening her £5,000 fine for employing an illegal immigrant as her housekeeper to a civil penalty similar to a congestion charge fine.

Gordon Brown, who believes Scotland made a “foolish mistake”, told the attorney general her job was safe after the cabinet secretary ruled she had made a minor administrative error that did not breach the ministerial code.

This isn’t some minor legal minion or even an alcoholic drink-driving judge.

This is the chief legal advisor to the government and the individual who actually introduced the law that she fucking broke.

She didn’t even get fined the full £10 000 she could have been.

She paid half.

Indeed, as Jackart points out, the illegal that Lady S employed should perhaps have a few sympathetic thoughts wafted her way:

She wanted to work, and indeed pay tax. Which makes Loloahi Tapui a more valuable citizen than 15% of the native-born population who sit on their fat arses watching Jeremy Kyle and reading the Sun (those who can actually read), and who don’t get their doors kicked in by uniformed thugs in the pay of the state, which instead subsidises their idleness through a complex smorgasbord of 51 different benefits which ensure that no-one born in the UK has to work if they don’t want to, and indeed get punished with marginal withdrawal rates of 90% should they even try.

Lady Scotland – another useless trougher – £170 000 better off thanks to your generosity…and now a major fuck up.

And still fucking troughing.

What the blistering FUCK do you have to do to get Brown to sack you?

Even worse than the BSOD

I blogged about this a while ago.

And now – as sure as shit is smelly brown stuff – we’re all going to be forced to pay 50p a month to ensure that everyone here has broadband internet access.

OK, 50p isn’t much, but it means that I’m now compelled to pay £6 a year towards giving other people internet access.

And it’s my £6.

I already pay tax on what I earn, tax on my own internet access and now I’m going to be helping to pay for millions of other people to get it.

Schools? – fine…hospitals? – go on, help yourselves!…the Police?…have another rummage in my wallet…

Broadband? – fuck all the way off. It’s a luxury.

End of.

Keep this stupid shit in Usania where it belongs

Bans.

Usually a bad thing, but I’m not too upset about this one.

Of course, if you’re stupid enough to believe in this cockwaffle, then maybe you deserve to die after preferring some sort of quack religious remedy to conventional medicine but, on balance, if it’s a minor who’s going to be placed in danger, after being anointed with ‘holy’ snake oil, then perhaps the fewer people who know about it the better.

File under – ‘It isn’t just Muslims who do stupid shit in the name of religion’.

Janie Hendrix – she’d sell Jimi’s grave dirt if she thought there was a buck in it for her

It’s not usually very socially acceptable to piss on someone’s grave.

But when it’s your own family who do it then it’s always going to be a major gaffe…

The adopted step daughter of the late Jimi Hendrix’s late father, Janie Hendrix, has launched a new guitar in association with Gibson that claims to be part of Experience Hendrix’ ongoing efforts to keep

Jimi’s legacy alive and intact and bring it to you in the most authentic form.

Which is a great big steaming pile of horse shit.

Here’s Jimi in action:

The guitar he’s using and the one that he’s most associated with is a Fender Stratocaster.

Fender.

F E N D E R

This is what Janie Hendrix (fucking spit) has decided is ‘authentic’.

Yes, it’s ‘authentic’ because it looks exactly like a cunting Strat!

Of course it’s all about money. Janie Hendrix sold poor dead Jimi’s memory out years ago, but now she really is taking the piss with this one and I hope Fender sue her right into the fucking poor house where she belongs along with Gibson, who seem to like a bit of litigation – but only when they’re dishing it out.

Come on, you mercenary she-vulture, you’ve made your money out of the recordings – fair enough – and out of shit like this:

Leave the poor dead fucker alone and make a few less million by not fucking about with his legacy – especially when it concerns the one thing that really typifies the guy.

His guitar.

If you want to buy something that keeps his legacy alive then buy a Fender Strat or even a Squier Strat – Janie won’t get a fucking penny from that and it’ll be far more authentic than that abortion Gibson and Janie have cooked up.

You’d be fucking smiling if you were him.

I’m not a football fan.

It bores me right off my fucking tits.

Sometimes it really fucking annoys me – especially when I read stuff like this.

“Sol regrettably suffered a reality check when he played for Notts County, and there has always been a concern about his fragile psychological state.”

I’d have thought that the £40 000 cheque he got for doing fuck all every week was real enough.

My heart fucking bleeds for him.

After all that, I have to select the recipient of today’s Two Minute Hate.

It has to be Janie Hendrix…

Of course, other people may differ but it’s my fucking blog.

Pip Pip!

*See, I do have a sensitive side.

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4 Responses

  1. I really fear for Notts County. A rich foreign businessman wants to do the whole Abramovich thing and buy a football club as an expensive toy, so who does he buy? Not Notts County, for fuck’s sake… a 4th tier club with no obvious platform for long-term success.

    And then he installs an ex-England/Mexico manager with a club management pedigree matched only by Fabio Capello and Francesco Lippi. It’s seriously suspect, but if it all goes tits up, only the fans will suffer. Everyone wants a bit of quick success for their club, but when it all goes wrong and the FA impose a massive points penalty for irregular financial conduct, it’s those fans who keep coming, despite the relegation.

  2. A Hendrix Gibson – WTF?

    Smegbitchfromhell…..he even played a fucking tele on one of them, Purple Haze I think but I’m sure you’ll correct me, after he put the head of his strat through the ceiling at a gig the night before a studio session.

    And as for that self-justification inspire the kids crap, there is already a SRV signature strat, and a fucking clone one, and I think one of his number two as well, so that’s bullshit.

    Naught naughty Gibson….

  3. Re. Baroness Scotland, one thing I found completely unforgivable, as well as legally dubious, was the smear she dished out in the course of delivering her statement about her “foolish mistake”.
    This was to the effect that, “I had no reason at the time to doubt the honesty of Loloahi Tapui.”
    Prejudicial, or what?

    Re. Janie Hendrix , I agree totally.

  4. You’re right about Janie. She is basically fucking a dead man who is no relation to her and she barely knew him. Lowest of the lowest low.
    I heard it was a Gibson “V” Jimi threw as it wouldn’t stay in tune. He was photographed with a Les Paul and an SG but the single coils on a Strat plugged into a chain of Marshall or Fender amps was THE sound. He supposedly went through several hundred as he would give them away to young fans usually before a gig so the crew had to scramble for another. Stock Strats without all the prima donna add-ons.
    Watch Jimi’s entire performance at Woodstock on the recent DVD. It is the touchstone of all the video made (very little) of Jimi in concert. I saw him at the gig before that one, June 29 1969, I stood 6 feet away while he played “Voodoo Child”. That story is on my web site and I am still in awe.

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