Give me another cigarette!


“When you think of someone who smokes Benson and Hedges or Marlboro, there are very different images – the sophisticate versus the cowboy. Take that away and you don’t have people expressing identity through cigarette brands.”

Patronising cocksores.

“I’ve not had a drink today, officer.”

Pisshead ex-judge Bruce ‘Sober as a judge’ Macmillan is in the news again.

A little closer to a prison term (not that he’ll get one, he used to be a judge) but neatly exposed for the cunt that he undoubtedly is:

Prosecutor Adrian Hollanby told the court that when officers stopped Macmillan they found the vodka and an empty can of an energy drink in the passenger footwell of his car.

The policeman then asked Macmillan if he had drunk alcohol in the last 20 minutes and he denied it, adding: “I’ve not had a drink today, officer.”

A roadside breath test proved positive, and when the judge was tested again at Leyland police station the reading was 111 micrograms in 100 millilitres of breath.

The legal limit is 35 micrograms.

Of course, such a case has other ramifications for a public figure such as Bruce ‘Bucky’ Macmillan, who’s been done for drink-driving before:

The Ministry of Justice said today he had resigned as a circuit judge with immediate effect.

Very commendable.

Well, it is until you read this…

By stepping down he loses his £128,000-a-year salary, but avoids the shame of being disrobed by the Lord Chief Justice and Lord Chancellor.

Even if Bruce ‘Mine’s a treble vodka and Red Bull’ Macmillan escapes being some 6’6″ sweaty con’s ‘best friend’ in prison he still gets to escape real shame.

Is there nothing these cunts can’t get away with?

Banning the tanning

It beats me why some people hold having a tan in such high regard, but if someone wants to look like a giant fucking satsuma with legs then good luck to them.

Now, however, if you get a suntan artificially it looks as if you’re soon going to find your options restricted.

The Welsh Assembly looks set to ban sunbed sessions for under 18s and also coin-operated sunbeds.

I can see the wisdom in some sort of restrictions on sunbeds for reasons such as this…

Over the Easter holidays, a 10-year-old girl from Port Talbot suffered 70% burns after putting £8 into a coin-operated sunbed and spent 16 minutes on the bed.

…and, one has to ask, where the fuck were her parents in all of this, but it’s not a good thing to happen no matter what the various causes were.

Surely, however, we can restrict use to a reasonable age – say 16? – by making unsupervised beds payable only with a debit or credit card.

Then, if you decide that you want your thighs ‘au point’ or your arse flesh falling off the bone then you’re over 16 and it’s your fucking decision and not some pasty-faced fuck with nothing better to do than interfere with your right to be an orange fucktard…

There’s no such thing as a Freeview lunch

If you have a Freeview box and you watch TV through it then, unless you’ve been living in a fucking cave for the last week, you’ll be aware that you have to rescan it today to continue receiving the stations you’re used to.

If you don’t, then  a plague of little transistorised insects will emerge from the screen and eat their way into your cerebral cortex, shit in your dead eye sockets and then lay eggs in your colon before tearing their way through your arsehole and escaping you’ll probably not be able to receive Five any longer (boo cunting hoo) and your box won’t be able to accommodate the new HD multiplexes.

We all have to rescan today after lunchtime.

Excuse me, but when precisely the fuck is lunchtime?

Could be midday for some…1pm…2pm…er…could be anytime within a two or three hour period.

So, here’s an idea…

Why didn’t the people in charge of this just allow a sufficient length of time to heat up the soldering irons, throw the right switches, deal with a few fuck ups, have a cup of tea and a Bourbon biscuit, take all the dead rats out of the wiring conduits, sort all their shit out and then say – ‘rescan from 4pm onwards’?

I predict absolute fucking chaos.

It’s ‘cos they is black, innit?

Phone beats gun? Yes, but only if you have the ‘iBust a cap in yo ass’ app…

I had a rough night last night.

A combination of coughing up the odd lung or two in the aftermath of the ‘cold from hell’, and our two Maine Coons wanting to play with their feathery sticks at 4am conspired to keep snatching me from the arms of Morpheus.

Consequently, I was aware of this news item quite early this morning as we always have the unfailingly soporific Radio 5 Live on during the night.

Young women are being warned not to hide guns for their boyfriends, brothers or male friends in a new campaign by the Metropolitan police.

It is aimed at the growing number of teenage girls in London who, the Met says, are being persuaded to store weapons for male gang members.

Police are primarily targeting black girls aged between 15 and 19.

In fact, I heard it in the news bulletins about half a dozen times in all and it gradually changed in a very interesting manner.

It started off in a very similar way to the extract I’ve quoted above from the BBC News web page.

However, very gradually, the description of its targeting – black teenage girls – moved down the item until I actually heard one bulletin where ‘black’ wasn’t mentioned at all.

There’s absolutely no question of anyone else being targeted – the Met’s page on the initiative by Trident here makes it totally clear:

Under the strap line “Hide his gun and you help commit the crime” the campaign features radio, cinema and billboard advertisements aimed at 15 to 19 year old young women of African and African Caribbean heritage.

So why the increasing coyness of the BBC?

Surely if you’re reporting a story that has to do with a specific group – be it black teenage girls, Jewish greengrocers or lesbian climate change activists – then you mention that early on in your story so that the pertinent facts get out to your audience as immediately as they can.

You’d also be helping alert the people you were targeting as soon as possible so that it grabbed their attention and then they knew it concerned them.

All I can think is that there has been some severely misguided attempt to avoid singling out a particular group by a public broadcaster paid for by the public.

I can’t think why they would do this, as the ‘thought police’ in charge of human rights and minorities equality must have been through Operation Trident’s publicity materials and press releases with a thoroughness that would border on OCD.

I’m guessing that it was to avoid offending a particular group.

It’s ‘cos they is black, innit?

Shortsighted doesn’t even begin to describe this latest example of BBC righteousness.

Another BBC fail.

And yet one more reason why the whole matter of a licence fee needs reviewing as a matter of the utmost urgency.

How to get fucked in Brighton

‘Maggie. I really am fucked this time, aren’t I?’

‘Just wave, you cunt.’

Well, it’s the day after the Labour Conference’s ‘Big Day’ – Gordon’s speech – and the aftermath looks like the political equivalent of a Trident nuclear missile scoring a direct hit on a sewage farm.

There’s SHIT everywhere.

Of course, Labour stalwarts are saying that there’s a renewed fire in their bellies and that a Labour defeat isn’t inevitable next year, but the consensus of opinion seems to contradict that rather limp prediction.

Simply put, Brown is just 12 years too late.

If New Labour had actually tackled the problems he outlines when they came to power, and which were all there in one form or another back in 1997 – had anyone had the nouse to actually look at the possible impact of lack of fiscal restraint and removal of self-responsibility – then we might be looking at a fourth Labour term.

However, yesterday’s speech was a predictable mixture of populist proposals – hostels for teenage mothers – climbdowns – no compulsory ID cards – and public spending recklessness – family intervention initiatives.

In other words, the mixture as before – kneejerk reactions to public concerns backed up by hasty planning and with no regard for efficacy or cost.

And now, even the Sun doesn’t like Labour.

Labour really are fucked.

More fucked than a fucker being fucked by some other fuckers during a fucking fuck fest.

More Stephen Pound stretching…

Media whore Pound

I’ve just found this.

Yes, Stephen Pound MP again.

But once you’ve got a cunt hooked, best not to let him go, eh?

He was against the smoking ban:

I’ll admit that there was a bit of the Jeremy Clarkson in my protest as the anti-smokers were, in the main, a po-faced bunch who seemed bent on banning tobacco smoking as the first step on a prohibitive road.

Oops…almost a bit of Libertarianism creeping out there…

Having said that, the Freedom for Fagsmokers crews were well staffed by moon-howlers who seemed to want to do away with speed limits and any drugs control.

False alarm!

Smoking is so antisocial that it should be banned – and this time I will trust the better instincts of the people and vote for health over libertarianism.

Healthy but firmly under state control – that’s the ticket, Stephen.

I do hope he’s in a marginal seat…

A very marginal one.