In which I get involved in a drunken* brawl

I’m hanging about waiting for Plod so he can take a statement off me.

I’ve just witnessed a rather nasty assault right outside my house by one eastern European on another. Both were completely bladdered and when one of them got the other on the ground, he kept lifting him up and letting his head fall back on the road.

It took about 15 minutes for the police to get here after I dialled 999 twice and both my neighbours did the same. Meanwhile, the guy who was down was getting his head smacked on the road and his stomach knelt on repeatedly.

I tried to get the guy to stop and he kept saying ‘no problem’ and just kept on with the head battering.

In the end I went and got a hiking stick which is telescopic and when closed has a nice heft to it a bit like a police baton.

I told him that there would be a fucking problem if he kept on because I’d fucking twat him, and at one point I thought he was going to go for me so I scoped out exactly where to stick the end of my weapon – in his eye, and then I’d have kicked him in the balls. Not that I’m violent, just that my wife was with me and I value my own skin and also the relative peace and quiet of my street.

Luckily he calmed down, the police came, the ambulance came and now I have to give a statement.

Welcome to ZaNuLabour Britain, 2009…

*I wasn’t drunk, but the two cunts who disturbed my Sunday evening were…