Why is Phil Woolas like Action Man?


Phil Woolas

Action Man

Yup…that’s right…

Neither of them has any BALLS.

Let’s have a look at this shitweasel’s antics over the last few days and see why his testicles have gone AWOL.

Last Wednesday, Woolas ‘bumped into’ Joanna Lumley at a press conference she’d arranged and, instead of placating her after it emerged that Brown’s words of assurance the day before were at odds with letters sent to some of the Gurkhas later that same day, he managed to get himself a pussy whipping instead.

By now, Woolas appeared to have no balls at all and some believe that they are now effectively pwned by Ms Lumley.

In an impotent attempt to get some cojones from somewhere, Woolas emerged from under a copy of the Torygraph later last week to dispute allegations that he’d filed a dodgy claim for tampons – yes, tampons – and that he was going to seek legal advice as he hadn’t actually received payment for them.

However, no sooner had he appeared to be growing a new pair of nuts than they were snatched away as fresh revelations showed that he’d also filed a claim for other items of a feminine nature from Tesco – shoes, a jumper and nail polish – yes, nail polish – that had been accepted.

Still trying to fool himself and the public that some vestige of a pair of bollocks remained somewhere near his groin area he then came out with an amazing explanation:

The Tesco bill, dated Aug 12, included a pair of women’s shoes for £23, two packets of disposable bibs priced £2.98 each, a bottle of nail polish at £5.75, three comics for £5.14, two packs of babies wipes at £1.44 each and a ladies’ jumper at £5. The cost of these impermissible items comes to £47.73, which makes the food part of the total claim only £162.58.

Mr Woolas insisted that his receipts exceeded the sums he claimed; but in this case they matched exactly.

Under the rules at the time, every MP could claim back food bills of up to £400 a month without the need to submit receipts; had Mr Woolas taken advantage of this system, the impermissible items would not have been revealed.

Asked last night whether his claim for precisely £210.31 indicated that he had put the shoes and nail varnish on expenses, Mr Woolas replied: “I take your point and I understand the extrapolation.” However, he insisted he had done nothing wrong and added: “The original accusation is untrue. I am being hung out to dry for being honest. The key points to remember is that I don’t need to submit receipts to back the claims and I could have actually claimed £400 for the food.

“The claim is one document and the receipts are another. The fact that they both add up to the same amount doesn’t prove anything. It doesn’t mean that the fees office paid for the non-food items on the receipt.”

Breathtaking in its arrogance and its contempt for those people footing the bill.

He thinks we’re all stupid.

Indeed, the story goes on to reveal that:

Other claims submitted by Woolas showed that on a number of occasions, Commons officials had to remind him that the maximum claim for items classed as food was £400.

What a greedy cunt.

At this point, it became clear that Woolas had no balls at all and is determined that the taxpayer buys his wife’s tampons, shoes, jumpers and cosmetics.

Bad enough that we have to support one troughing and swindling pig, but its mate as well?

As for the whereabouts of  Woolas’ bollocks, who fucking cares?

They could still be kicking around in Ms Lumley’s handbag, although they could be in a Tesco Value sausage right now…


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