Iain Dale fail

I don’t normally discuss specific blogs – except when I want to point out something positive.

I usually stick to generalisations when I’m criticising them.

However, Iain Dale’s blog seems to be copping some flak recently regarding Mad Nad Dorries, Julie ‘fiddling for a roof’ Kirkbride and now Alan ‘expenses are great, innit’ Duncan.

Tomorrow I am going to be interviewing Alan Duncan for Total Politics. Feel free to suggest questions you’d like me to ask him.

And then the fun starts.

Here’s a selection of the questions I don’t think Dale will be asking Duncan…

Are the flowers planted by Pound Force still in your lawn?

Can he see any conflict between compassionate conservatism as espoused by David Cameron and the values sought by Marc Rich in employees of his oil trading organisation?

Do you regret your remarks about murdering Miss California?!

Why did he act like such a smug cock about his expenses on HIGNFY?

Do you think people believe your tan is real ?

Because she paid her taxes, my mother gets an old age pension of £95 a week. By dint of thrift she has a private income of just under £5,000 a year which means that her pension is clawed back by £45 a month. Why is my mother’s income taxed so that MPs earning £68,000 a year can have free groceries worth £100 a week?

“After your performance on ‘Have I Got News For You’ why do you think that David Cameron has not withdrawn the whip”

Given that pretty well all the questions posed so far severely challenge your morality and your judgement, please can you provide your justification for continuing in office as an MP and Shadow Leader of the House, and one good reason why you should not be voted out at the next election.

English Nationalist poetry

I was reading some of the posts in a far-right forum earlier – as you do – and came across a poem.

Yes, a poem.

Nothing inspiring, however.

In fact, more of a piece of doggerel and just the usual bellicose, pro-England, be proud you’re English twaddle that you’d expect.

However, one of the verses typified how mixed up such people are.

It extolled our brave English yeoman at the battles of Agincourt and Hastings.

Now, I’m assuming there aren’t any other battles with those names, so what the fuck is the reasoning behind mentioning them?

Let’s take it chronologically – which is more than the poem does.

Hastings in 1066 was the Normans against the indigenous Saxons – themselves a bit of a mixture of Saxons, Danes, Vikings and Celts by that time. The Normans were mongrels too – with Viking, Frankish and Gallo-Roman blood.

1 – 0 to the Normans.

Agincourt followed in 1415 when the English – now with origins further mixed after 350 years, all but a year, of interbreeding with the Normans – beat the French.

1 -0 to Engerland.


Really, who is that poem extolling?

A mixture of Anglo-Saxon, Viking, Celtic, Danish, Frankish, Gallo-Roman descendents, all under the blanket term of ‘English’.

Factor in all the various nationalities whose bloodlines have blended with the ‘English’ since 1415 and you have easily twenty or a couple of dozen national origins entering the ‘English’ gene pool and remaining there to this very day.

Fuck knows what mixture I am, and I don’t care.

I just wish other people didn’t – especially right wing nationalists who wouldn’t know history if it fucked them up the arse.

MPs, TVs & GGs – random Sunday musings on greed and sloth

Even if MPs had kept to the guidelines as set out in the ”Green Book’ it still seems remarkably generous in what it allows to be claimed.

Take TVs, for example…

I know that Kaufman tried to claim for an £8865 TV – an eyewatering amount whoever was going to pay for it – and it was disallowed, but each MP was still entitled to claim up to £750 for  TV.

There seems to have been no requirement to economise or save taxpayers’ money at all, so MPs spent up to and, in some cases, due to Fees Office incompetency and/or corruption, over this amount.

Wouldn’t a £200 job from Curry’s have done them?

Apparently not, but £750 still buys quite a nice TV and, as it’s effectively free, even better ‘value’ for the MP wanting some viewing luxury.

(Yes, I have a 40″ flatscreen Samsung TV. Cost me about £500 I think. Bought and paid for out of my own pocket. I’d have liked to have spent a bit more, but I wasn’t getting a handout from the taxpayers…Same with my stereo system. If I was an MP I could have bought a £750 system with no questions asked. As it was, I had to make do with something a lot cheaper.)

They troughed and troughed and troughed, didn’t they?

Nothing was too expensive to try and claim for – everything was just bought without any consideration as to where the money came from.

And still the tales of greed spew out from the Telegraph…

When it’s not about greed it’s about how some MPs are such poor value for our money.

Here’s the worst culprit, who:

turned up for just five per cent of votes, spoke in only four debates and submitted just three questions to Ministers

The reason for his poor voting record is, according to this shonky fuckwit himself, that:

It is pointless to vote in most votes when the votes themselves are a foregone conclusion. Moreover, Parliamentary questions are used by many MPs for grandstanding.

Yes, it’s George ‘I’m a total cunt so somebody shoot me and put me out of your misery’ Galloway.

I don’t think it crossed his vapid mind that if you don’t vote then maybe the result won’t change, but if you do vote, it might make a difference.

There are worse troughers than this loathesome little gobshite prick, but no lazier ones and, certainly, none more utterly expendable, corrupt and politically inept.

Could this be the grubbiest MP expenses claim yet?

Cook – he’s a tight cunt

From Day 24 of the Telegraph’s MPs’ expenses revelations:

The most extraordinary claim was made by Mr Cook, who tried to claim for £5 he donated during a Battle of Britain memorial service.

A handwritten note attached to the claim by way of a receipt stated: “Battle of Britain church service, Sunday 17.09.06. £5 contribution to offertory on behalf of Frank Cook MP.”

The fees office wrote on his claim “Not Allowed” and refused to pay out on the claim. Markings on the note indicate the Commons authorities had been planning to blank out the word “offertory” before they were to be made public in the summer, meaning the precise nature of the claim would have remained hidden from the public if it had not been disclosed by the Telegraph.

It is particularly embarrassing because Mr Cook is an official supporter of the campaign to commemorate Air Chief Marshal Sir Keith Park, who commanded the RAF’s 11 Group Fighter Command during the Battle of Britain.

Could Frank Cook be the tightest cunt in the history of Parliament?

“Britain’s Got Troughers”


Channel 4?

Could you put me through to the commissioning editor, please?

Ah, hello.

Who are you speaking to?


Just call me a man with a plan…

I have a great idea for a new reality TV show.

Yes, I know that Big Brother’s going to be back soon, but this can’t fail!

I know you’re busy, but please hear me out.


You get a large area – about an acre or so, so an existing football stadium would do just fine – and construct a large round cage that can be locked. It’s got razor wire woven through the steel bars so no-one can get out. Then you get 645 MPs…

Yes, MPs.

Why 645? You’ll see later if you like the idea.

Now where was I?


You herd them all into the cage and then you lock the gates.

You get £250 000 in used fivers and then you pour the whole lot in through the top of the cage and watch them fight it out. The last one standing gets the £250K.

Well, what do you think?


How much to use the idea?

Ooh…a hundred K?

You thought I was going to ask for more?


Contract? No need, just send me the money in a large brown envelope marked ‘Wee Georgie Broon’ and just stick it behind the pipes of the second wash basin along in the gents’ at Kings Cross Station. I’ll email you the date and time later.

Yes, I know, Can’t lose can it?



Quote of the week – Hattie Harperson

Read the whole interview here.

Meanwhile, hold on to your stomach contents and read this:

Did she have any idea what was coming in the expenses revelations?

“Well, I … I knew I didn’t know. It’s Donald Rumsfeld’s known unknown. It was definitely a known unknown.”

Only a total fuckwit would try and get any mileage out Rumsfeld’s stupidity.

Is the problem with Libertarianism some of the Libertarians themselves?

As readers of this blog may have noticed, I’m gradually moving towards espousing Libertarianism.

Many of the fundamental principles of this ‘third’ way appear to be very much in line with what I’ve looked for in other parties before but never found.

However, I’m having a real problem with Libertarians.

Not the whole crew, but a significant number who appear to be so far to the right and so vehement in their attacks on people with whom they disagree or dislike that I’m starting to wonder if I’m heading in the right political direction.

Libertarianism seems to be a broad ‘church’ and has left and right wing parameters like many political movements, but I’m not too happy with some of the extreme views I’m hearing from the right.

I really like Boatang and Demetriou’s blog . Go and check it out. It has impeccable Libertarian credentials.

Whilst it attacks sacred cows of every political hue fiercely and with language that is often more colourful than mine (yes, fuck me, really), it never descends to a personal level. It reasons forcefully but never hectors. It wants change, but always in a constructive manner.

Yes, someone might get called a ‘motherfucking cunt’ but never a ‘fat motherfucking cunt’ and although B&D are passionate about the causes they promote, I’ve never heard them wish physical pain and/or death on anyone they disagree with.

From that, then, you’ll have worked out what I’m finding hard to stomach about some Libertarian blogs – and which is becoming more apparent as, day after day, our troughing MPs are revealed as the corrupt shower of shits that many of us always thought they were but could rarely prove.

Yes, I’d like those the troughers sorted out and I’ve written how I’d like to see it done here.

Yes, our political system stinks. It’s not working for the benefit of the average law-abiding, tax-paying citizen and it’s allowing us to be robbed blind to pay for the shortcomings of others.

Yes, there’s total disregard for privacy and personal freedom and our views and opinions are disregarded by a political class that has zero accountability.

Yes, I’ve made jokes about stringing a few of the porcine buggers up, but I’d never do it and neither do I want to see it happen.

However, there seems to be a veritable deluge of bile and sheer naked hatred when comments are made on certain blogs.

Perhaps the people who comment are joking – although it doesn’t seem to be terribly amusing – and just venting.

However, I’m not always sure, as such comments are often made with such relish and glee.

Fair enough, some people might want our politicians dragged out of bed and lynched, but if that’s Libertarianism then, no thanks, I’d rather take the BN-fucking-P, as at least you’d get a fucking show trial.

I’ve also just read an extremely homophobic comment on a Libertarian blog that I frequent in which a well-known and heterosexual transvestite comedian who has come out in support of Labour has had all sorts of really very unpleasant homosexual abuse wished on him.

I’m pretty fucking broadminded and it’s hard to come up with much that really repulses me, but whoever made these comments came very close.

Yes, I’ve wished some buttfucking on a few people, but only when I thought they deserved it because of what they did, not what they were.

Big difference.

I don’t want some sort of moderate, vanilla debate.

However, I certainly don’t want immoderate opinions that seek to replace injustice with some sort of half-assed mob rule and kangaroo courts held before the ‘guilty’ are dragged off to the guillotine.

Maybe I’m reading too much into the words of some of the less moderate bloggers and the people who comment on their writing, so perhaps anyone reading this could put me straight.

I await enlightenment…

Zanu Labour’s mortgage rescue plan pisses £285 million up wall

Er…am I reading this right?

The Department for Communities and Local Government said that in April 139 households applied for help in avoiding repossession but that only one successfully received the support. However, this single acceptance doubles the tally of those accepted by the scheme, which had been aiming to help 6,000 families avoid losing their homes. Some 75,000 are expected to face foreclosure this year, according to independent estimates.

Shit…I am…

More than poor, but downright fucking catastrophic when you consider that the scheme has been funded to the tune of £285 million and was set up at the beginning of the year.

Yes – £285 million.

Way, way more than our troughing MPs have trousered and all 100% legal.

However, I have a better idea for government use of taxpayers’ money.

Why not just get everyone in work to empty their wallets and purses and clean out their bank accounts, drop all the dosh in a big pot and let Brown and Co piss it all up the wall?

It’s indefensible because it’s so obviously a really shit idea which patently isn’t working – and meanwhile the civil servants working in that scheme are drawing salaries and their bosses are claiming expenses.


Abu Hamza opens new takeaway!

I’m glad to say that this guy – Abu Hamza, the radical Muslim cleric – is currently doing porridge at Her Majesty’s pleasure and I sincerely hope the one-eyed, hook-handed cunt really will be extradited to the US as soon as he’s finished ‘passing the soap’ with his new best friends…

I read today how his 3 sons will now be joining him in stir for their part in a car stealing racket.

Perhaps a bad move as they’ll very likely be able to secrete a fleet of Mercs up their arses by the time they’ve been made some 6’6″ hairy biker’s bitches.

So, imagine my surprise when I found this pushed through the letterbox not 5 minutes ago:


I don’t think I’ll be trying out their menu, although whipping the chicken out of the tandoor must be a breeze with a metal hook at the end of your arm…

The best way to eject Nadine Dorries from her seat…

The big pack behind me in the photo is the ejector seat pack. It has so far saved the lives of around 120 pilots.

(from Mad Nad’s blog)

But it isn’t going to save your troughing reputation, Nadine…