Dover

Home again – 2 hours on the motorway and that’ll be that.

– Posted using MobyPicture.com

The UK’s shameful treatment of Gurkhas.

My late father served alongside Gurkhas in the Second World War.

He had nothing but praise for their comradeship, humour, and courage.

To treat them like this – after some 45 000 have died for this country – is shameful in the extreme.

Especially when we let far less deserving people into this country either by accident or design.

Yet another example of our government’s fucked up behaviour.

This is one debt that should be paid now.

I’m a financial idiot – help me out here! Please!

I really don’t get it.

Two days ago we had a budget that will do nothing for this country.

Then, today, we hear that over the first three months of this year, the economy shrank by 1.9% – the biggest  three month decline since 1979.

However, the FTSE had a pretty good day today – up 3.43% and keeping gains that it made during the day which it normally doesn’t seem to do  – and the £ held up pretty well against the $ and the €, finshing about the same as it started today.

Why hasn’t every indicator that we’re in the shit fallen through the floor?

What’s going on?

Things that make you look like a dick #3

#3 a penis suit

What you think you look like: a penis

What you really look like: someone in a penis suit

Jeremy Vine, stupid Brits and scrapped cars

It was nice of Alistair Darling to give the non-UK car manufacturers a boost in his budget yesterday:

Owners of old bangers who want to buy a new car can trade in their vehicle which is more than 10 years old for a £2,000 discount on the shiny new one.

I’m sure that he’ll be able to get a nice directorship at Fiat or Renault out of all this when he’s unemployed next year…

Earlier today, I was driving from the school where I work on Thursday to pick up some Euros (I got 1.08 to the £, which is about as good as it gets these days and is actually a pretty good rate) for our forthcoming French break.

On the radio was Jeremy Vine – the man with the most irritating cunting voice since Mystic fucking Meg – and he had a phone-in about the budget.

Now, I don’t have too much faith in the intellectual ability of your average Brit – alcopops, ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ and Lotto scratch cards are proof enough for me – but one caller in particular struck me as displaying a certain bovine quality that plumbed new depths.

The caller was complaining that the car scrapping scheme didn’t include cars 7 years old and she’d had to spend a couple of grand getting her Ford Ka (ouch!) fixed due to the central locking going tits up and also being involved in a collision ( if you can’t afford heavy repair bills then fully comp is an excellent wheeze).

Even Jeremy Vine was speechless – and it’s his job to say something – and just muttered something about it only being applicable to cars over 10 years old.

Where the fuck are people at?

I mean, it’s a shit way of boosting the economy, but it’s for that purpose, not just Uncle Ali giving us a couple of grand for a shiny new motor.

Not good enough for the British public?

In which case, why not just throw money at people whenever they want it and for any reason?

Oh.

We do?

In that case, can I have £2000 towards a new car, please?

I mean, for fuck’s sake, mine’s nearly five years old and I recently spent £30 on new carpets for it!

The UK economy – broken, kaput, fucked and royally screwed by Labour

On a personal level, the Budget yesterday did me no favours at all – tobacco, alcohol and petrol will cost me more, I don’t claim any sort of tax credits, I’m too young to qualify for any winter fuel allowance, etc, etc.

On a national level it failed too.

Oh, it tried to appeal to a certain demographic with the tax rate hike to 50% for those earning over £150K a year, but that will net very little more than bugger all in revenue and scare away some people we could do with in the UK to get us through this unholy mess.

It was a low rent budget by a low rent Chancellor on behalf of a low rent government.

What there is little doubt about is that this country is effectively fucked for about the next decade – higher taxes and reduced public spending are inevitable.

Fuck – we can’t even be sure that, as a nation, we’ll be able to keep our current AAA credit rating.

Meanwhile, crime figures are higher, our schools examination system is in crisis, our MPs continue to jostle at the overflowing troughs of taxpayers’ money, our anti-terrorist squads continue to harass innocent people and now some cock end is planning to stage a musical about the life of Jade Goody.

Sometimes I think that you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried.

Things that make you look like a dick #2

#2 Personalised number plates

What you think you look like: an individual making a statement.

What you really look like: someone who tries much too hard to get noticed.

Send Gordon your shirt Campaign

Nice idea from Old Holborn.

Send Gordon your shirt!

Got an old shirt?

Send it directly to:

Gordon Brown
10, Downing Street
London
SW1A 2AA.

Saves him ripping it off your fucking back.

Things that make you look like a dick #1

Yes, I’m going to offend a few people with all this, but here goes…

#1 Bluetooth headsets.

What you think you look like: a switched-on pioneer on the cutting edge of technology.

What you really look like: a refugee from Star Trek who’s just been raped in the ear canal by a monster with metallic semen.

Lewis Black’s words of wisdom

Many thanks to this blog for the following Lewis Black article.

Black puts my view of British politics better than I ever could.

Just replace the references to presidential candidates and the US parties with the appropriate British names and terms and this is my view in a nutshell.

Here goes:

A good portion of Black’s political material seems to be aimed at exposing both the comedy and tragedy of staunch conservatism, as well as disbelief at the mystifying combination of thick-headedness and condescending attitude in authority figures.

Black seems just as disenchanted with Democrats as Republicans. He is quoted as saying: “You elected Bush, so that’s who I’m going to rant about. If you elect Kerry, I’m going to rant about him too. My problem is with…authority!”

He decided that the best way to find the next president is to “throw a dart at a map of the United States, go into the jungle, find a monkey, take it on a plane, parachute it out to the location the dart hit, and whoever the first person the monkey touches, that is the new president.”

He is also quoted as saying “what is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, and a Republican sucks” and “the only thing dumber than a Democrat or a Republican is when these two pricks work together.”

He has also stated that the way in which bipartisanship works is that “A Republican stands up and says, ‘I got a really bad idea!’ and then a Democrat stands up and says, ‘…and I can make it shittier!'”