Fucking Leila Deen again

Oh FFS…why are they giving Leila fucking Deen column inches at the Guardian?

I’m going to puke soon…’vegan cake’…’social activist’…’revolutionary change’…’popular power’…

I’m totally fucking sick of being preached at by middle class twats trying to champion the working classes and ‘reclaim the streets’ as if it’s some sort of charitable secondment between taking their masters and their doctorate or some sort of bizarre first grown up holiday away from mummy and daddy.

Fuck ’em all – the only reason they’ve got what they’ve got today is because of the very system they despise.

All this, of course, on the eve of the G20 summit and the planned antics of Climate Camp, G20 Meltdown and others.

I sincerely hope it all goes off peacefully tomorrow and that the police, as well as the demonstraters, behave sensibly.

Thank fuck I don’t have to go anywhere near London tomorrow.

My MP’s a lemon and I want my money back!

I see from the handy spreadsheet that the Guardian has made available that my local MP – Dr Phyllis Starkey – trousered a hair under £155 000 in expenses last year, making her #190 out of 655.

Having had some dealings with her over a local council matter a few years ago, I have to say that she’s not fucking worth it.

Pay restraint?

Gordon Brown has announced that senior civil servants, top NHS managers and judges will get a pay rise of 1.5% next year.

All in the name of ‘leadership in the exercise of pay restraint’.

This comes after an announcement that there will be a rise in the salary of MPs of 2.33% and following the many recent accusations of expense-fiddling by them.

Is there nobody in the government with enough bollocks to tell Brown how fucking bad this all looks when viewed together?

Apparently not.

Consensual departure

Yet more CUNTSPEAK…

Former RBS chairman Sir Tom McKillop has been explaining the reasons for Sir Fred Goodwin’s ‘rather generous’ pension settlement.

There was a need to ensure a “consensual departure”.

Sir Tom: We want you to leave without spilling your guts, Fred, so here’s an obscene shitload of money.

Sir Fred: Ta very muchly.

Sir Tom: That’s that then. Shall I get Myners to bring us a brandy?

Ejaculations from a Bell end

Sir Stuart Bell (who is the psychotic motherfucker who keeps nominating these useless wankstains for knighthoods?) – has announced that he’s going to find out who’s behind the plan to offer details of MPs’ expenses claims to the press for the sum of £300 000.

All of the receipts of 650-odd MPs, redacted and un-redacted, are for sale at a price of £300,000, so I am told. The price is going up because of the interest in the subject…we have a pretty good idea of not the person, but the source, and that is a subject of a House of Commons investigation. It’s probably a breach of the Official Secrets Act. It may be a theft, but we will get to the bottom of it. In the public interest, by the way. We don’t believe that the newspapers will buy all of the 655 for £300,000, but they may wish to take say 10 senior MPs in the limelight and then there’ll be a drip-drip of their expenses.

Some translation from CUNTSPEAK would seem to be in order here, in order to clarify what at first reading seems like bullshit.

Receipts – evidence of misuse of public money.

650-odd MPs – 655 odd MPs

Redacted – sanitised.

Un-redacted – truthful.

£300 000 – 1) total expenses fiddled claimed by two MPs, 2) a drop in the ocean.

So I am told – so some overpaid minion informs me.

Interest in the subject – public outrage.

House of Commons investigation – in camera bullshit session in the Commons smoking room, followed by whitewash and suppression of information in the public interest.

Probably – do you really expect me to tell you the full details, you greasy little oik? Besides, I don’t even know them myself – I’m making this shit up as I go along.

May be – see above.

In the public interest – not in the public interest.

By the way – you might not believe me, but I really don’t care what you or the public thinks.

655 – shower of useless spunkbubbles.

10 senior MPs – the 10 worst and/or well-known of the faceless cheating fuckers.

In the limelight – guilty of fraud.

NOW it makes sense…

But it’s still bullshit.

One more blueberry muffin before the revolution!

I’m trying to work out whether this blog – the latte-drinking feminist anti-capitaist one referred to in the last entry here – is serious or satirical.

If it’s serious then I don’t think that we have anything to fear from the far left at least as their concerns seem to be fractured and dispersed beyond all coherence.

If it’s satirical then it’s a work of true genius.

Here’s an extract:

So, last night I found my tiny self at a debate organised by Soundings and Comment Is Free, provocatively titled ‘After New Labour’. I was starving, having been writing all day when I should have been eating lunch, and had just about enough time to pick up the world’s largest blueberry muffin on my way to King’s Place. As I was due to write a piece for the Graun (Pennyred articles commissioned and turned down by Guardian currently stand at 6), I was ushered into a little room containing The Rt Hon Harriet Harman Rt Hon, Madeleine Bunting and someone else who knew them both so was obviously famous, and – me, and my muffin. Dilemma! I have an annoying tendency to shake and fall over when I haven’t eaten. But Harriet Harman was right there! I couldn’t just scoff down a muffin in front of her without even introducing myself – could I? Or could I? In the end I made my excuses and sprinted outside for sugar, cigarettes and other vices, before heading back in to ask cheeky questions and generally have a great deal of fun.

This could have come straight from the pages of the Eye!

Of course, I realise that I could be getting this anti-capitalist feminist lots of hits but the comic rewards are worth it.

Satirical or not, it’s fucking funny and she can certainly write…

Addendum or some such late additional shite:

She should be able to write – she seems to be some sort of celebrated left-wing  journalist.

Real name – Laurie Penny.

Still an amusing blog though – and being a journalist isn’t necessary an aid to credibility…I used to be a freelancer myself at one time.

Man the barristas!

Many thanks to Obnoxio’s blog for bringing this to my attention.

It’s somehow comforting to know that latte is the drink of anti-capitalist feminists, although I reckon we’re in for some serious shit from them if they ever get on the double espressos…

On a slightly more serious note, it would seem that the original author of the blog entry in question is a student and thus her fees are paid, in part, by the capitalist system she dislikes so much…

I wonder how she manages to square that particular circle?

More on Wankgate

The headline on the BBC News site reads:

Smith’s husband sorry over films

However, view the video here and whilst he says sorry for any embarrassment he’s caused his wife, nowhere does he say he’s sorry for his part in misusing public money.

What a…

…wanker.

Actually, the porn films aspect of this is immaterial even though it’s a blogger’s delight and extremely hard to resist using gratuitous wank euphemisms.

What is at issue here, however, is that part of Jacqui Smith’s MP expense allowance was used to pay for something that was of no use or benefit to her work as an MP.

If  the TV package was intentionally purchased then it is clear that our Home Secretary and/or her husband is indeed on the fiddle, unless the way in which they interpreted the rules suggested to them that such a purchase was permissible.

If the TV package was mistakenly purchased – along with a broadband connection – then you have to ask how it took two supposedly intelligent people long enough to sit together or separately through 5 films and pay for them before they realised this was not standard terrestrial, Freeview or Freesat TV.

No matter which way you look at it, somebody fucked up here.

How they fucked up ranges from the simply stupid to the cynically fraudulent.

Jacqui Smith’s position would be untenable if it was a matter of fraud, which I suspect it wasn’t. A few wanks (or hand jobs if Jacqui got her freak on with the pr0n) and a couple of substandard films just aren’t worth it.

No, I’m convinced it was just stupidity and she’ll stay on for the while if the inquiry into  her second home claim finds in her favour.

However, what is clear is that the rules governing MPs expenses need to be made crystal clear so that any deviation from them is immediately obvious.

Until then – and that seems to be sometime after the next General Election, so get those claims in chaps! – perhaps MPs ought to keep this as a constant mantra:

“If you can’t defend what you are doing, don’t do it. We’ve got to get public opinion with us.”

Said to his MPs after Wankgate emerged by one D. Cameron…

Fuck the elves again

The Second Life Elves have taken my first – and very polite – comment down.

They obviously lack confidence in their environmentalist arguments and can’t take honest facts or simple questions.

According to the latest entry there – reading between the lines – I’m now viewed as a troll.

It wasn’t trolling – just a genuine comment from someone with an opposing point of view.

But this is what the environmentalists have got their cannon fodder doing – putting down the opposition in order to stifle debate.

They don’t want too many people disagreeing with them and pointing out the many fatal flaws in their new religion.

Anyway…

Fuck the Elves.

4 things not to say to Richard Timney tomorrow morning

It’s been a good day to blog with so much to write about and there’s been no shortage of cunts to rant about along the way.

So, it’s goodnight from me and goodnight from Richard Timney.

I leave you with 4 things (yes – 4!) not to say to ‘Dick’ tomorrow morning.

1) Did you have a good weekend?

2) Seen any good films lately?

3) How’s the missus?

4) ‘ello wanker!