Overdose fun!

We were in France last week, checking out places to rent whilst we look for a permanent home there, and had to buy some Paracetamol. We should have taken some with us as it cost over a quid to buy a pack of 16 tablets as opposed to the usual Tesco generic ones at 16p per pack. Thinking this might be good stuff to stock up on – along with Ibuprophen – I popped into Tesco earlier this morning and stuck two 16-tablet packs of each in my basket.

When I got to the checkout I was told I could only buy two packs. I queried this and was told it was the law and it was in case I was contemplating topping myself via an overdose of proprietary painkillers. Indeed, it is the law, which restricts sales to 1 pack of 32 tablets in pharmacies and 1 pack of 16 tablets in other outlets.

ODing on Paracetamol seems a risky business to me. Liver failure isn’t a great thing to have and it’s what’s likely if you don’t neck enough tablets to ‘bite the big one’.

Personally, I’d go for slashing my wrists – properly…none of this straight across nonsense, you need to go at a bit of an angle to do the job properly I’ve discovered – in a nice hot bath with a bottle of a good single malt or an aged Calvados.

But, no matter how you do it, if you want to ‘end it all’ then just make sure you do it properly. To quote Frank Zappa:

You say there ain’t no use in livin'; it’s all a waste of time
And you wanna throw your life away, well people that’s just fine
Go ahead on ‘n get it over with then, find you a bridge and take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first time, ’cause nothin’s worse than a Suicide Chump

Well, Tesco surely saved my life today – although, as I understand the legislation they may have sold me double my government allowance of suicide pills – so I suppose that’s a bonus.

Next time I think about a Paracetamol OD I’ll just have to go through the check out twice before I ‘check out’, as it were.

What a fucking stupid law…any poxy supermarket can sell me a nice sharp knife, a length of clothesline, glue, booze and some other neat shit I could use to in order to shuffle off this mortal coil, but not a few tablets…

Why not simply stop selling dangerous stuff to people just in case they’re going to get a hankering to see if there really is an afterlife? And if people want to commit suicide then why not put all pills on prescription?

I suppose the legislation seeks to stop the ‘impulse’ pill buyer from popping into Asda or wherever and then going home and doing the business although, as this site points out:

The initial success of these measures appears to have waned, and hospital admissions and deaths from Paracetamol related overdoses are on the increase once more.

It’s a law that isn’t working then – what a fucking surprise. And even less of a surprise that it still hangs around like a fart in a lift.

There’s no problem ODing on homeopathic remedies though.

A protest against Boots selling homeopathic remedies culminated in mass overdoses outside their stores.

No matter how many pills you neck, you’ll be lucky if you actually ingest a single molecule of the ‘active’ ingredient, because, you know, in homeopathy ‘less is more’ and the weaker a medicine is, the better it is at curing your ills!

The homeopaths’ response:

The Society of Homeopaths said treatments were “person specific” and based on taking a series of small doses, so it did not expect any reaction in the protesters unless one already had symptoms matched to their remedy.

Yeah, right…got any snake oil you can sell me?

All of which forces me to conclude that what we really need is a pill to cure stupid.

That’s a long way off though.

Maybe, in the meantime, perhaps if we stop treating people as if they are stupid then maybe they’ll stop being stupid?

Who knows? It might even fucking work…

13 Responses

  1. I had a similar encounter in a supermarket a few months ago when I tried to buy paracetamol, aspirin and iboprofen at the same time.

    Although there are no such restrictions if I buy them from the cash and carry.

    *pro-tip* If you want to overdose on paracetamol the cash and carry will not restrict the number you can buy in one go.

  2. “When I got to the checkout I was told I could only buy two packs. I queried this and was told it was the law and it was in case I was contemplating topping myself via an overdose of proprietary painkillers. Indeed, it is the law, which restricts sales to 1 pack of 32 tablets in pharmacies and 1 pack of 16 tablets in other outlets.”

    You’ve never come across this before? It’s been irritating shoppers who want to stock up in cold and flu season for ages.

  3. “All of which forces me to conclude that what we really need is a pill to cure stupid.

    That’s a long way off though.”

    Don’t think I’ll see it in my lifetime, sadly…

  4. Yep. Bookers in our neck of the woods will happily sell you an outer of 24 or 30 boxes of paracetamol, aspirin or Ibuprofen or indeed all three without batting an eyelid or asking if you are going to top yourself.
    Obviously despite the recession retailers are not a suicide risk!

  5. U.S. pharmacies will still sell you giant tubs of paracetamol (160 or 200 in a tub) and you can buy as manytubs as you like, dirt cheap. Not sure if they’d be seized by customs, but you can’t get them shipped to the UK.

    Paracetamol is the idiot’s way to top themselves or cry for help. Multiple organ failure over two weeks in Intensive Care is the most likely outcome. Optrex eye drops are more reliable.

  6. XX “All of which forces me to conclude that what we really need is a pill to cure stupid.

    That’s a long way off though.” XX

    No. They are called cyanide capsules. Works every time…..apparantly.

  7. The sad truth is that a failed paracetamol overdose can be a massive burden on the health service – and this is the method of choice for stupid teenage girls.

    A Tescos checkout girl tried to stop me buying three packets of anti-histamine tablets in the summer. I made her call her manager who sold them to me.

  8. Why are there no asprin in the jungle?

    Because the parrots eat ‘em all.

  9. xx Toque, on February 1st, 2010 at 3:47 pm Said:

    Why are there no asprin in the jungle?

    Because the parrots eat ‘em all. xx

    Ha?

    That is about as funny as root canal work without anesthetic.

  10. Actually it’s one of his better ones – if you don’t “laugh” he’ll only try again, so better to signal appreciation….

  11. Aye. Three days later I apprieciate root canal work as well.

    Is “Toque” not some kind of sily Canadian hat any way?

  12. I tried to buy 2 boxes of paracetamol and 2 boxes of ibufrofen. They sold me the 2 boxes of paracetamol but not the ibuprofen, despite the fact that if I take ibufprofen as well I need less paracetamol. I then walked 20 feet to their pharmacy counter and bought the ibuprofen anyway.

    If people wanted to kill themselves they will. If I bought a knife and stabbed myself are they to blame…no of course not. Unless I didn’t do it properly….in which case I could sue them in our wonderful new litigious society and use the proceeds to have a better life ….maybe?

  13. Yes, it makes a mockery of the law when it can be so easily circumvented.

    If I recall correctly, it was much cheaper to buy in bulk, too.

    Incidentally, as few as 4 paracetamol can really fuck your liver up…

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