Chris de Burgh – shit for sure

The Arabic above his name actually says ‘talentless fuckwad’ but let’s not tell him that, eh?

I had to drive to the Forest of Dean and back today – about a 200 mile round trip – to see my grandson’s school production.  As Mrs Shark was laid low with a nasty bout of Meniere’s vertigo I went on my own, with just Radio 2 for company.

So, there I was, driving across the rather foggy Cotswolds – a most beautiful part of England when you can see it – when a Chris de Burgh track came on the radio.

No, it wasn’t that execrable dribble of dogwank ‘The Lady in Red’, but an equally odious squirt of arse gravy called ‘Shit for Sure’, although as the song went on I realised he was singing ‘Ship to Shore’ which seemed rather less fitting as the song ground on to its turgid conclusion.

As you can tell, I loathe Chris de Burgh with a passion; and for several reasons:

  • His voice – pitched midway between the bleat of a newly-castrated billy goat and the off-key warbling of a tenth-rate nightclub singer…
  • His lyrics – on the surface full of metaphor and deep meaning but underneath just adolescent flatulence…
  • His music – predictable hack work with chord changes that a 5 year-old could predict and a 6 year old could write…
  • His hair – a style rooted in the 70s and just long enough to make him look a bit trendy in a nerdy ‘groovy teacher’ way but not so long as to offend – give me fucking Lemmy anytime…
  • His eyebrows – like two excessively hirsute voles frozen in the act of some sort of desperate kamikaze leap into oblivion, having decided that listening to his mewling pap has strayed just a bit too far into the realm of the un-fucking-bearable…

For fuck’s sake, if you want to listen to MOR-ish pop sung by a male singer-songwriter, there are people with talent around like Chris Rea who also plays a mean slide guitar and at least strays outside the formulaic.

Or Al Stewart – great narrative lyrics, fantastic music and great taste in session musicians.

Or go back to the greats like Sinatra.

Or even Paul McCartney, who mines a rich seam of regurgitated Beatles songs and increasingly dull originals year after fucking year.

Anyone, in fact, whose voice doesn’t sound as if they decided to apply ‘Deep Heat’ to their scrotum after blowtorching the skin off it.

The talentless wimp de Burgh makes grandiose-sounding ‘music’ for people who don’t like music and wouldn’t recognise it even if bit them in the fucking arse.

Bleating cunt.

Yes, I’m bound to have offended his many fans and he’s still very popular – in spite of having scored fuck-all success in recent years – but that doesn’t mean he’s any good.

Pot Noodles sell well and they’re shit and full of shit.

Likewise Chris de Burgh.

Update: This may amuse…

41 Responses

  1. No, the Arabic actually reads

    “who screwed his 19 year-old nanny while his missus was in hospital?”

    One can say a lot with very few symbols in Arabic….

  2. Funny how things turn out. Imagine the Marlborough College yearbook from whatever year it was… De Burgh and Drake, both probably heading for the diplomatic service, but we wonder if they’ll ever do anything with those songs they wrote during the upper 6th…

  3. Ooh, you reminded me! Must get ‘A Spaceman Came Travelling’ out for a play now it’s nearly Christmas.. ;)

  4. Re update:

    He covered All Along The Watchtower? Has the man absolutely no respect either for those with talent or indeed himself?

    Touchy little shit, too…..

  5. couldn’t agree more. In fact, one of the reasons I loathe christmas is that this is the time that Chris De Burgh awakens deep underground like the cicada and emerges to plague the innocent.

    When I’m made king he’ll be first against the wall.

  6. Him and Cliff fucking Richard.

  7. you never see them both in the same place at the same time…

  8. Aha… NOR Anita Harris… WHAT is going on here?

  9. Chris, Cliff and Anita…the most mediocre threesome of all time?

  10. HAY, Mary Hopkins? The blind bastard with the blonde in tow, so mediocre I can not remember their name(s),? Bobby Crush? Pam Ayers?

    Hughie Green has a LOT to answer for!

  11. The blind bastard with the blonde in tow

    Peters and Lee.

  12. Don’t forget this little episode, either. What a fucking tool. :-D

  13. Fucksticks – didn’t see the link at the bottom.

  14. No matter, Count – it’s all spreading the word!

  15. As I thought Chris De burgh should have an oprotunity to respond to your rant, preferrably by seeking you out and giving your nose a punch, I have sent you comments to him via his website. Also as he is a personal friend of mine, I will happily give him a hard copy of it too.

  16. ‘A Spaceman Came Travelling’ wasn’t bad, but everything else I can think of was, is and will for ever be dire.

    Good call on Chris Rea.

    D

  17. @ Paul Stephenson

    He did screw his 19 year-old nanny while his wife was in hospital with a broken neck though didn’t he?

  18. well, I can’t fault him for that! His music’s still shite though.
    Paul, if you’re really Chris’ friend, perhaps you could arrange an intervention? A true friend would surely want to disabuse him of this notion that he’s a famous singer?

  19. Whist people have the freedom to like or dislike a singer, they do not have to right to be just plain rude or abusive. As a music lover with over 2,000 CD’s and a professional pianist I am appauled that just because I am a fan of Chris de Burgh, that I not nothing about music! Also, it seems that if CDB is useless, he can pack them in at the Albert Hall and his concerts. he has no interest in being in the hit parade and he is indeed laughing all the way to the bank. As CDB would say of the writer, “what a wanker” !

  20. Les, you joyless turd, we *do* have every right to be rude and abusive. Are you new to the internet, or what?

  21. What a sad little excuse for a man you are. Your knowledge of music- absolute zilch!! You should be six foot under, preferrably after CDB has given you a well deserved punch on the nose. And when you get to hell, I hope they play CDB songs at you eternally . You are even more of a wanker than I origionally thought.

  22. [...] Comments Les Partridge on Chris de Burgh – shit fo…Harbinger on Hornets and a WaspHarbinger on Just when you thought the Mail…JuliaM on [...]

  23. Chris de Burgh wailing at me for all Eternity. *Shudder*

  24. I think I’d rather go to heaven. Even if it IS full of Mormons!

  25. I could take ‘Crazy Horses’ by the Osmonds.
    Great track!

  26. That’s not written in Arabic, that’s Farsi (Iranian language) and is written
    کریس دی برگ
    which is actually his name (Chris de Burgh)

  27. Thanks Vahid :)

    You’re sure it’s got nothing to do with his children’s nanny?

  28. actully it is not arabic, it is in persian, and that means he is not racist but u all are.

  29. Actually, anahita, it means that myself and some of the people who commented didn’t know it was Persian instead of Arabic – or is it really Farsi?

    It certainly doesn’t mean that anyone commenting is racist.

    I suggest you consult a dictionary before accusing anyone of racism.

    You may understand Persian, but your English needs a lot of work.

  30. i write chris de burgh type songs, so i must be an arse too, i’m abig fan of his, i also lke quo, and i’m continually asked if i’m on medication. LONG LIVE CHRIS AND QUO.

  31. Oh, I like Quo, too. Good no-nonsense stuff and – in their heyday – a great live band.
    Like a lot of acts, however, they just don’t know when to call it a day and many of my favourite musicians are like that.
    I’ll never like deBurgh though!

  32. Stop bashing chris de burgh, status quo, and macca. thier even bashing elvis p, how dare they nob heads. long live cliff

  33. going to rcord my own song soon, as you dont like, lady in red , you definatlehate mine, who gives a shit

  34. Jesus Sharky this must be your top comment post of all time, like the one where I coated off Apple!

    Stat whoring rocks, especially when it’s unintentional.

    If only our more serious stuff got such attention…

  35. @wh00ps

    Yeah…I mean I like being read, but when you get so many comments on a throwaway article, you start to wonder what the fuck is really going on out there on the interweb!

  36. Has anyone done any research to see if listening to Chris de Burgh songs is carcinogeic?

  37. it is not arabic it is pearsion

  38. [...] the piece I wrote slagging off that talentless cockdrip Chris de Burgh still gets lots of views after 2 years, as well as comments being left [...]

  39. Just to keep this entertaining thread going, let me add another (self-indulgent, facile, throw-away but, naturally, unassailably true) comment onto the stack…

    If you drained the cesspit of egotism and shameless self-advertising that is “showbusiness”, in all its various forms, you’d have precious little left that isn’t pure faecal matter…

    There. Hmmm… Not as cathartic as I expected… x(

  40. Just to keep this entertaining thread going, let me add another (self-indulgent, facile, throw-away but, naturally, unassailably true) comment onto the stack…

    If you drained the cesspit of egotism and shameless self-advertising that is “showbusiness”, in all its various forms, you’d have precious little left that isn’t pure faecal matter…

    There. Hmmm… Not as cathartic as I expected… x(

    P.S. Sorry if this is a repeat post, the previous one appears to have got lost up the i’ernet’s ****… Or else I didn’t set cookies correctly… Mmmm, coo-kies…

  41. All of you have no taste in music. Chris De Burgh is an amazing singer. By the way, the signs above his name are arabic letters and it actually says his name on it. کریس دی برگ – that says Chris De Burgh.

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